People often talk about “working on a relationship” like it’s a renovation project… A list of repairs or a set of things to fix. I think that that language sets the wrong tone. If a relationship feels like constant “work” then something about the way you’re approaching it is off. I mean who really likes “working”, right? So if you’re “working” on your relationship, how much fun is that going to be? You can’t treat your relationship like a to-do list! When the focus is only on “working of your relationship”, the result is usually one of two things… Either you (or your partner) start policing everything that’s imperfect... Or The important, human parts get reduced to tasks and lists. And where’s the connection in that? Here’s a different approach… Instead of “working”… Just bring your best! That’s it. Bring your best. Now, “bringing your best” is not a directive to become perfect or to fix your partner. It’s an invitation to show up with clarity, curiosity, and care. When both people show up that way, small irritations don’t become battlegrounds and conversations stay compassionate instead of corrosive. Don’t worry, it’s not all on you, it’s on both of you. But it does start with you! Take responsibility. Contribute to the core essence of the relationship… The tone of conversations… How conflicts are handled… How gratitude is expressed… And the systems you create to stay connected. If you don’t bring your best, then what usually happens is someone or something gets picked apart. Stop trying to fix a thing and be present. Relationships aren’t projects to be finished; they’re practices we return to. Bring your best, not perfect, not fixed, just willing. That’s where connection lives. And that’s how relationships stop being “work” and start being life you both enjoy.

This post is ONLY for those currently on the Relationship You Deserve ICF Certified Coach Journey Anything you need, we are here for you. This post is to help you track your journey. Ask any questions that you need help with. Use this same post so it's easier for us to help you. Tasking is the pinned post in the updated each week

Here’s a gentle, uncomfortable consideration to sit with… How much of your relationship is really about you? Your needs. Your view. Your comfort. And how often do you truly see your partner? It’s normal to default to our own perspective and only see our own point of view. But sometimes we can get so caught up in our own perspective that we don’t really see our partner’s. And when that becomes habit… …it quietly erodes connection. Working through that and getting to a place where you understand that you've been more selfish is a crucial part of any relationship. It's hard for all of us to acknowledge that, to take on that less attractive part of ourselves. But ultimately, it's where your relationship will flourish. If you want something practical steps to help, try pausing before you make choices that affect both of you and actually ask. Practice reflecting back what your partner says before responding. And if you find yourself realizing you’ve put yourself first… Name it. Apologize for it. And take reparative action. These aren’t dramatic fixes; they’re just steady habits you can use to rebuild connection.

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I was coaching someone recently, and they told me something that’s been sitting with me… Each time their partner shared what was bothering them, they felt themselves pulling away. Sometimes they would shut down. Sometimes they would get defensive. And what was happening was they were leaving their partner feeling like their emotions were too much, to the point where their partner was feeling like they were too much. But what if there was a different perspective? Imagine this… What if you’re sitting across from your partner who loves you. Their voice is calm. Their hands are still. They’re not trying to win an argument. They’re just trying to be understood. They want you to see them. They want you to really see them. Not as dramatic or overly sensitive, but as a person who’s genuinely trying to explain how they feel. When they speak up, it isn’t because they want to start a fight. It’s because they’re hurting and can’t think of any other way to say it. And what if you heard it differently too? What if you heard it for what it was, not an attack but an invitation… An invitation into the places that are the deepest inside of them. All they want is to feel like their feelings matter to you. That they matter to you, even when they’re not smiling or easy to be around. They love you. They value what you have. That’s why they bring up the hard things. They don’t do it to create tension. They do it to create closeness. They don’t want to argue. They just want to be heard. Really heard. It made me wonder how often we miss this in our own relationships, mistaking a plea for connection as a reason to defend ourselves... What are your thoughts?