I was coaching someone recently, and they told me something that’s been sitting with me… Each time their partner shared what was bothering them, they felt themselves pulling away. Sometimes they would shut down. Sometimes they would get defensive. And what was happening was they were leaving their partner feeling like their emotions were too much, to the point where their partner was feeling like they were too much. But what if there was a different perspective? Imagine this… What if you’re sitting across from your partner who loves you. Their voice is calm. Their hands are still. They’re not trying to win an argument. They’re just trying to be understood. They want you to see them. They want you to really see them. Not as dramatic or overly sensitive, but as a person who’s genuinely trying to explain how they feel. When they speak up, it isn’t because they want to start a fight. It’s because they’re hurting and can’t think of any other way to say it. And what if you heard it differently too? What if you heard it for what it was, not an attack but an invitation… An invitation into the places that are the deepest inside of them. All they want is to feel like their feelings matter to you. That they matter to you, even when they’re not smiling or easy to be around. They love you. They value what you have. That’s why they bring up the hard things. They don’t do it to create tension. They do it to create closeness. They don’t want to argue. They just want to be heard. Really heard. It made me wonder how often we miss this in our own relationships, mistaking a plea for connection as a reason to defend ourselves... What are your thoughts?

This post is ONLY for those currently on the Relationship You Deserve ICF Certified Coach Journey Anything you need, we are here for you. This post is to help you track your journey. Ask any questions that you need help with. Use this same post so it's easier for us to help you. Tasking is the pinned post in the updated each week

...if you let go of what's holding you back?

It seems harmless at first… You let something slide because you don’t want to start a fight, or you stay quiet to “protect” your relationship. In those moments, avoiding conflict feels like the right choice. Why rock the boat, right? But here’s what actually happens… The issue doesn’t get resolved :-( And you feel a little less connected to your partner. You see, every time you avoid bringing up an issue, it’s like putting another brick in the invisible wall between you and your partner. I completely understand why you might think you’re protecting your relationship by doing it. But that wall is blocking the very intimacy your relationship needs to thrive. So if you continue to avoid conflict to keep the peace, you’ll end up less connected because nothing gets resolved. And it you keep avoiding it then that emotional distance will quietly grow…. Romantic feelings then begin to fade... And soon, you avoid even more, because you don’t feel in love anymore. Avoiding conflict is basically a silent relationship killer. But know this… The very thing you’re avoiding is the exact doorway back into closeness.

The relationships your see online aren’t real. The highlight reels… The picture-perfect captions The curated smiles… They’re not real relationships. They’re presentations. And if you spend your life chasing what looks perfect, you’ll miss out on what’s actually real. Here’s the truth… Nobody is perfect. Not you, not them, not anyone. We’re all just humans; trying, failing, learning, and growing. So if you’re waiting for perfection, you’ll wait forever with a list of impossible expectations. A true relationship isn’t about finding someone flawless. A true relationship is about building something meaningful with a person who is imperfect… Imperfect but present. Someone who makes mistakes, while also standing by you when it’s hard, listening when you’re quiet, and not leaving when things get messy. Because at the end of the day, connection is always greater than perfection. A polished image might fade, but the person who knows your scars and still chooses to stay… That’s rare. And that’s real. So don’t throw away something meaningful just because it isn’t perfect. Sometimes the cracks are where the growth happens, where trust deepens, and where the real foundation is built. If you’re ever thinking about giving up, ask yourself: Is it truly broken? Or are you chasing an illusion? Remember, real relationships aren’t perfect… But they’re worth it.