Aug 10 • General discussion
What are they trying to say?
I was coaching someone recently, and they told me something that’s been sitting with me…
Each time their partner shared what was bothering them, they felt themselves pulling away.
Sometimes they would shut down.
Sometimes they would get defensive.
And what was happening was they were leaving their partner feeling like their emotions were too much, to the point where their partner was feeling like they were too much.
But what if there was a different perspective?
Imagine this…
What if you’re sitting across from your partner who loves you.
Their voice is calm.
Their hands are still.
They’re not trying to win an argument.
They’re just trying to be understood.
They want you to see them.
They want you to really see them.
Not as dramatic or overly sensitive, but as a person who’s genuinely trying to explain how they feel.
When they speak up, it isn’t because they want to start a fight.
It’s because they’re hurting and can’t think of any other way to say it.
And what if you heard it differently too?
What if you heard it for what it was, not an attack but an invitation…
An invitation into the places that are the deepest inside of them.
All they want is to feel like their feelings matter to you.
That they matter to you, even when they’re not smiling or easy to be around.
They love you.
They value what you have.
That’s why they bring up the hard things.
They don’t do it to create tension.
They do it to create closeness.
They don’t want to argue.
They just want to be heard. Really heard.
It made me wonder how often we miss this in our own relationships, mistaking a plea for connection as a reason to defend ourselves...
What are your thoughts?
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What are they trying to say?
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