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Hey everyone... I wanted to ask something that’s been coming up for me lately. In a recent dating context, there have been a couple moments where the other person was pretty open about things they’re into, sexually or erotically. Nothing explicit or inappropriate, more just honest glimpses into their desire, kink, attraction, or the kind of energy they’re drawn toward. And I noticed that instead of simply being able to meet that with curiosity, part of me got hit with comparison, jealousy, shame, and a sense of “oh, I’m not that” or “I don’t know how to be seen that way.” After sitting with it, I realized the deeper thing may not even be about the other person. It’s that I don’t feel like I’ve had many spaces where my own sexuality, attractions, preferences, or erotic self could be named, witnessed, normalized, or celebrated without shame. So my question is: Are there queer men’s spaces, workshops, discussion groups, books, practices, or community settings that have helped you explore shame around gayness, sexuality, desire, attraction, kink, or being honest about what you’re into? Not necessarily in a party/club/cruising context, but more in a reflective, embodied, honest, community-based way. I went to an erotic poetry event recently, and that felt adjacent, but not quite the thing I’m looking for. Curious if anyone has found spaces or practices that helped them feel more integrated, less ashamed, and more able to be witnessed in their desire.

My Husband and I are in a strange situation, after 30 years of being drifters , floating from one country to another mostly in EU , we end up in Sweden because of Covid , France was so aggressive towards people who chose not to vaccinate, we moved there thinking it was cool and welcoming. Massive mistake …. Vile climate , 8 months of darkness…. I won’t bore you with the details but trust me it’s grim ! So now we want to leave …. Having 4 dogs , 2 parrots and a turtle it’s not so easy… I loved Cambodia … but that’s maybe to exotic for hubby and too hot ! Someone suggested Canada but I find their policies towards farmers and people scary …. Euthanasia etc ! So any cool ideas would be appreciated ❤️

We’ll see what kind of traction that gets!

In July 2021, I was detained by police officers for practising homosexuality. I believed my future had ended and that my parents would be left with only shame. The officers offered to release me in exchange for a bribe. I had no money. No hope. My only possession was my phone, I handed it over. Under my country's law, Section ***, homosexuality carries a penalty of death or up to 30 years imprisonment. I could not risk either outcome. I consider myself fortunate that it was police officers and not religious vigilantes who detained me. The latter have been known to use lethal violence that I can not imagine to myself. This transaction — exchanging personal property for safety — is a common survival strategy for gay men in my community, but not everyone is lucky enough, I was lucky enough. I did take down my profile picture and alter my name for safety.