An unexpected release. · The Lighthouse Project

An unexpected release.

Today, I wanted to share a recent incident which helped me release a whole world of stuck energy. Something I wasn't even aware that was there until I spewed it all out in one of the most satisfying moments of 2026 (so far).

As you may or may not know I am currently dealing with a failed relationship with 2 boys in the middle. We are currently still living under the same roof, however we have not shared a bed for more than 3 years (maybe it's 4 now.)

Recently we decided to take charge of the kids for one week at a time. Last Sunday (9 days ago) was Marga's last day and even so, I asked the boys if they wanted to go and watch the senior's rugby match as I didn't think A, she was aware of it and B that she'd really want to go. She piped up on Sunday that she wanted to take them and that by promising them a day out with breakfast I was somehow ruining her plans. “It's my week with the kids so I will take them, I'm in charge.”

She said the 4 of us could go but after her little telling off I didn't feel like being anywhere near her so I thanked her and went to play golf. Afterwards, I met up with the young lady I am interested in, so it really was a win win!

Fast forward to this Sunday. She had been away all week and wasn't witness to a rather heated debate between the boys and 2 of their friends over a game of Minecraft. Long story short, my eldest set up a server for the 4 of them to play. He lent the password to one guy so he could open the server while they were out at the beach. He then gave it to the other guy who went into creator mode to get a “load of loot” without actually earning it. Basically he cheated.

When the boys saw this they were angry and were dealing with it through Discord. In his anger my youngest went into the cheater's base and TNTed all of his stuff. This really kicked off the argument and they were going back in foth for nearly an hour. It was getting quite late and they were all being told to close down for the night and decided to hold court the following day to resolve the issue.

I was in the background listening to Max and Ean discuss this and felt it was an important moment for them, learning how to resolve conflict and I was impressed by the way they were going about it so I didn't pressure them about it being past 9pm.

Marga comes up from her bedroom and starts barking orders, “Turn that off, it's late.” Obviously annoyed that they are ignoring her and that I am seemingly doing nothing. Again “Come on get off the computer!!” They were completely focused on resolving the issue and didn't take much notice, so I asked “Do you even know what they are doing?”

She snaps back “No, they can tell me though!”

“Why don't you ask them?”

“They can do it, don't get involved!!”

I said “I can speak whenever I want and that it was my week and I am in charge!” (petty I know, throwing her words back at her but it felt right in the moment :-))

She muttered something about me not being able to speak like that or something.

Whatever it was, it triggered something in me. I began to sing “I can saaaaay what I like, I can dooooo what I like. You don't haaaaaaave to liiiiisten. I am free to speak and I can sing it out at the top of my voice!!” I can't remember all the words but it just errupted out of me and went on until she went back downstairs.

I felt so good. Years of not saying what I truly feel, censoring myself so I won't upset her. I didn't really realize I had been doing it until that song came out me and with it all the fear around speaking my absolute truth to anyone and everyone.

Then my youngest came up, Max and said “That was a bit much.” Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!

My question to you is where are you still holding back? Are there parts of you that are still being repressed because you feel it is too much for someone or that you don't want to rock the boat?

By fully coming to terms with the fact I have nothing to lose and that I don't need to impress this person anymore I was able to fully just be and let my fullness express itself in that moment.

Where have you done the same or where have you wanted to do the same and haven't out of fear?

Keeping growing bothers.

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