Spiritual Bypassing vs. Transformation vs. Truth

I’ve been contemplating a distinction between three different reasons for doing spiritual practices:

To change our state or experience — to feel more peaceful, loving, connected, blissful, energized, etc.
To transform our being — changing how we actually relate, react, behave, and show up in life.
To become conscious of what is true — questioning assumptions and beliefs and becoming directly conscious of something rather than trying to produce a particular experience.

This has become quite personal for me because I’m in a relationship with someone who is deeply involved in Kundalini yoga and other spiritual practices. She sometimes speaks about “channeling light,” raising energy, opening the heart, connecting to the higher self, etc.

And I notice that this sometimes really annoys me.

What’s interesting is that we’re both deeply interested in spirituality and increasing consciousness, yet at times it feels like we’re worlds apart in what we mean by that.

I tend to become suspicious when spirituality seems primarily directed toward creating preferred states: more light, love, bliss, peace, elevated energy. Not because there is anything wrong with these experiences, but because I wonder whether constantly moving toward what we prefer can also become a way of moving away from what we don’t want to experience.

This is where terms like spiritual bypassing and escapism come to mind. A spiritual practice can perhaps genuinely produce beautiful or profound experiences while simultaneously being used to avoid fear, anger, insecurity, conflict, grief, or other unwanted aspects of ourselves. The experience itself may be genuine; the question is what we’re using it for.

It seems to me that transformation often requires something quite different. Rather than trying to transcend anger, fear, insecurity, jealousy, selfishness, conflict, etc., perhaps we need to encounter these things directly. Transformation may therefore sometimes feel worse rather than better. The uncomfortable situation or relationship might reveal much more about our being than another beautiful spiritual experience.

And then there is the question of truth.

An experience of bliss is still an experience. An experience of light is still an experience. If I interpret these experiences as evidence that I’m accessing a “higher” reality or becoming more conscious, am I actually becoming conscious of something true? Or am I creating an interpretation around an experience and then believing it?

But what makes this inquiry uncomfortable is that I also have to turn it around.

Why does someone else’s spirituality annoy me so much?

Perhaps I’m attached to my own idea of what “real” spiritual work looks like. Maybe I’ve made facing darkness, questioning beliefs and pursuing truth into my own spiritual identity. And perhaps my need for someone else — especially my partner — to see spirituality the way I do is itself something I need to become conscious of.

So I’m curious about these distinctions:

Changing state. Transforming being. Becoming conscious of what is true.

How do you distinguish them in your own practice?

When does changing our state support genuine transformation, and when does it become escapism or spiritual bypassing?

Can pursuing preferred spiritual states actually interfere with transformation or consciousness? And conversely, can attachment to “truth” or confronting darkness become its own identity or avoidance?

I’m particularly interested in how people navigate this when two people in a relationship are both deeply interested in spirituality, but seem to mean very different things by consciousness and spiritual growth.

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Spiritual Bypassing vs. Transformation vs. Truth