24h (edited) • 🥰 Dating
Paying Ladies vs. Paying For Your Ladies?
There’s a story here, the moral of which ultimately is, shut up and fix your fucking Instagram. But some of it may be helpful to fellow early-stage folks here. And it led me to a question I want to run by you.
Tomorrow, I’m off to get a haircut. I go to a local hairdresser, woman-run and staffed. Been going to them since I moved into the area in March 2024. I’m on first name basis with most of the staff and the lady who runs the salon has been trying to set me up with local ladies for a little bit, so if I have any female team mates at the moment, they’re her (I did make sure to tell her recently that while I'm always happy to meet someone new, I'm sticking to keeping things platonic for now).
A while ago, I had the idea of doing an Instagram thing with her and the girls at the salon, and after I got stuck into OMD last week, the idea occurred again – I mean, I get along with most of the girls and my regular dresser, and it’d be good social media marketing practice, so why not? The salon owner doesn't mind, and it might be a way to get some preselection.
Thankfully, the counter-idea that I’m their customer and not a friend with whom they’re choosing to hang out with, especially in the salon, put a needle to that mental balloon today. Sartain says over and over again that he never pays the girls at his events and in his photos to spend time in his company, and I realised that I don’t want a whiff of transaction anywhere near a preselection photo.
(So lay the ground to let pre-sel occur organically by developing the “mogul” archetype in your IG grid right now, Rob.)
One thing did occur to me, though. As I currently understand, when pre-selection occurs, we never pay the girls to be there or pay their way into a party; at most, we use the power of bringing a group of girls to an event to get us all in the door and potentially a round or two of drinks. We should not be aiming to go near “provider” mode unless and until we (after a good while of friend-zone social interaction) decide to Ask A Girl Out (and they say yes).
Still, Sartain has mentioned that a guy should always pay (though he may have been talking in a dating context) and that when he goes out with the lads, there’s always a race between him and his posse to be the guy who gets to say, "don't worry, guys, it's taken care of".
So where does that leave taking your female team-mates out for a social sesh over food and bevvies? Should we, as Men of Action (or at least OMDudes), be covering the whole tab for our women? If so, how does that balance with the aim of “not paying them to be there”?
And where does that leave us dudes who are okay for cash, but have some limits around our disposable income?
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Paying Ladies vs. Paying For Your Ladies?
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