16d (edited) • Copywriting ✍️
Reviewing cold email copy
Hey Jay — would really appreciate your eyes on this if you get a moment.
I’m running cold outreach for a speed-to-lead & follow-up system sold to service-based businesses (coaches, consultants, professional services).
I’m currently testing neutral/curious openers vs diagnostic openers, keeping everything else the same.
👉 My question:
From a copy perspective (not structure), does this framing do a good enough job earning replies — or is there any obvious friction / over-explaining you’d trim?
EMAIL COPY:
Subject:Your leads are waiting 2+ hours, Jessica?
Hello Jessica,
Most {industry} businesses aren't challenged by lead volume — it’s what happens after a lead comes in that silently impacts revenue.
Out of curiosity, how long does it typically take your team at {companyname} to follow up with an inquiry?
(For most teams we speak with, it’s 2–6 hours without them realizing it.)
If useful, I can put together a short 2-minute Lead Flow Risk Assessment for {companyname} .
It's a quick Loom showing where lead momentum typically breaks after an inquiry.
Worth me putiing this together for you?
6
16 comments
Reviewing cold email copy
skool.com/lead-gen
Attract high-quality leads, with proven systems, & grow your revenue with automated AI lead generation machines to get clients on autopilot.
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