Rethinking Responsibility · Foundations of Ascension

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Rethinking Responsibility

You’ve probably heard the phrase: “You’re 100% responsible for everything in your life.”

And honestly? That never sat right with me.

Because how can I be responsible for a hurricane that damages my home? Or for an act of violence someone else chooses? Saying I created or manifested those things feels like victim blaming. And for years, that’s exactly how I heard it.

I was trained in Ho’oponopono, where they teach this idea of total responsibility. I’ve seen it pop up in parenting books and spiritual circles too. And it used to make me feel like I must be broken or doing life wrong if something bad happened.

But here’s what I’ve come to understand: responsibility isn’t the same as blame.

Blame says: “It’s your fault.”Responsibility says: “You get to choose how you respond.”

When I look back on my own childhood, growing up with an abusive, alcoholic dad, I had no control over that situation. None. But I do have control over how I live now. I could stay stuck in a victim identity forever, or I could work through it, grow, and choose to write a different story.

That’s the real meaning of responsibility: response-ability.

When we’re dysregulated, our nervous system spirals us into “Why me?”, the poor-me mindset that keeps us stuck.

When we regulate, we can pause, ground, and ask: “What can I do next?” That’s where resilience, growth, and freedom come from.

It doesn’t mean you never feel the pain or frustration when something bad happens. It means you don’t let that be the end of the story.

Responsibility isn’t about fault. It’s about power.

The power to choose your response, even when life gives you something you never asked for.

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