I’ve been really learning the importance of rest + integration in expansive periods of life. We need equal amounts of integration post expansion to actually anchor in the reality as our new baseline rather then a high followed by a crash. When we don’t allow for rest the expansion is followed by a contraction keeping us on a rollercoaster. Rest is one of the MOST PRODUCTIVE things we can do. But how are you resting? Are spending down time without screens really allowing your mind & body to assimilate the beauty that you’re creating in your life? Even expansion can become exhausting when we don’t prioritize these moments. This is a big lesson on embodiment I’m learning right now & felt called to share. I love us!

On the theme of essence… I’m realizing more and more that this lifetime, for me, is about breaking generational curses. Very on-brand for my whole “I transmute lineage and turn it into wisdom” arc. Ancestral patterns truly hate to see me coming. Lately, I’ve been feeling especially protective of my younger siblings. When I hear echoes of how I was treated, something ancient wakes up in me. There’s a part of me that can make peace with my own past — my parents were human, they were learning, they didn’t have the tools yet. But watching the same patterns reach for a younger child? That’s different. That doesn’t just hurt — it clarifies. I realize now: I didn’t just survive that battlefield. I walked it. I burned in it. I healed in it. And I came back — not as the wounded soldier, but as the exalted warrior. I’ve also made a quiet, honest peace with something else: my family will likely never be the family I wished for. They may never fully see me, accept me, or meet me where I am. And long ago I stopped setting myself on fire to stay warm in a place that never was. I walked away from that fire — not in bitterness, but in self-respect. And in doing that, I became something new. I feel deeply honored that I get to be a place of safety for my younger siblings. A sanctuary. A nervous-system exhale. A place where they can be seen, believed, protected, and reminded of who they are. Some of us aren’t born into families to belong. Some of us are born into families to end things. And once you’ve done your healing, you don’t return to the battleground to fight the same war. You return with your spine straight. Your eyes open. Your essence intact. With all my love 💙🦋

I’m going to be vulnerable here because I feel so safe. For the past year (2025) I had smoked MJ nearly daily and for the 3 years before that very excessively. I had used it to “deepen” my connection to myself, to connect with my family & friends (who all smoke), and to be more creative. I claimed to not be reliant or addicted, yet anything used daily I would say you have an addiction to. Since the beginning of the year I let it go. This is day 11 of not consuming MJ, meat, or processed sugars. I realize how much of my power was being out sourced to the plant. There is healing in the plant yet when used sparingly & with intention. Since quitting I’ve experienced involuntary shaking in my body, one major experience was after the first Sunday meet up during my journal entries share and after our call ended I was shivering uncontrollably. I’m still sitting with what this shivering means yet I feel it could be unprocessed fears. I’ve had a hard time speaking, opening my throat and being completely transparent and vulnerable. Even today I noticed how shaky my voice feels and how uncomfortable it is to speak, which is why I was one of the last to speak. I battle with what to say or if I sound clear no matter how much space or freedom I’m given. I have so much to say yet I’ve shut myself down many times in life which makes saying anything now feel unpleasant. To help myself I have been enjoying random raps and singing my favorite songs from the tops of my lungs. Singing was something I adored when I was in middle school and stopped in high school. I actually remember my choir teacher telling me to sing softer because I was quite loud, louder than all the other students around me so it’s quite interesting to experience the opposite. I am devoted to opening my throat & living at least 6 months sober. I know I have a lot to process. I am very grateful for this group, the unique presence I feel from each of you, and the way you make me feel so held. Also please feel free to share any wisdom you have with me as I navigate going from a ganja girl to a super sober maiden allowing myself to open back up naturally.

I've been a 'smart girl'. Did well in school, even went to university as the first one in my family. I learned to analyze, intellectualize, and be objective. It's what I've been praised for. Being a mediator, always there to help, a "good girl'. But I was never really impressed by myself or proud of myself. I've had the realisation now for about a year, maybe a little longer, that it's because I haven't lived through my body. I haven't experienced my life. I am mostly in my head. And when I did feel my body, it was because I was drinking, smoking, partying, dancing or having sex. I did not know that my body is a temple. I did not know my body is my power. I did not KNOW with my MIND. But my body has felt neglected. My body remembers me not giving the care and attention she deserves. I am starting to feel it now. And it is painful. Yet I finally feel like I am on the right track. I am starting to feel the answers arise.

This month has been one filled with grief. Grief of loss, grief of not feeling loss as I would like to, and anticipatory grief of a loved one who fights to stay on this plane everyday not knowing how much longer they can keep going. Within this portal of nuanced feelings the consistent call in the small pauses I take is to turn to love. Love death, love family, love myself. To consistently show love and light to others. That they matter so much. I am still deep in this portal but am so grateful for my village❤️ Hold everyone a bit tighter. Tell people you love them more often than not🪽