Releasing habits · Dream Girl Sanctuary

Releasing habits

I’m going to be vulnerable here because I feel so safe.

For the past year (2025) I had smoked MJ nearly daily and for the 3 years before that very excessively. I had used it to “deepen” my connection to myself, to connect with my family & friends (who all smoke), and to be more creative. I claimed to not be reliant or addicted, yet anything used daily I would say you have an addiction to. Since the beginning of the year I let it go. This is day 11 of not consuming MJ, meat, or processed sugars.

I realize how much of my power was being out sourced to the plant. There is healing in the plant yet when used sparingly & with intention. Since quitting I’ve experienced involuntary shaking in my body, one major experience was after the first Sunday meet up during my journal entries share and after our call ended I was shivering uncontrollably. I’m still sitting with what this shivering means yet I feel it could be unprocessed fears. I’ve had a hard time speaking, opening my throat and being completely transparent and vulnerable. Even today I noticed how shaky my voice feels and how uncomfortable it is to speak, which is why I was one of the last to speak. I battle with what to say or if I sound clear no matter how much space or freedom I’m given. I have so much to say yet I’ve shut myself down many times in life which makes saying anything now feel unpleasant.

To help myself I have been enjoying random raps and singing my favorite songs from the tops of my lungs. Singing was something I adored when I was in middle school and stopped in high school. I actually remember my choir teacher telling me to sing softer because I was quite loud, louder than all the other students around me so it’s quite interesting to experience the opposite.

I am devoted to opening my throat & living at least 6 months sober. I know I have a lot to process.

I am very grateful for this group, the unique presence I feel from each of you, and the way you make me feel so held. Also please feel free to share any wisdom you have with me as I navigate going from a ganja girl to a super sober maiden allowing myself to open back up naturally.

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