How well does "active listening" work for you?

There is one skill that will transform how you lead, love, and live. But almost no one is taught how to do it.

It is not active listening. Not nodding along or waiting for your turn to speak. Not even repeating back what someone said.

It is listening for emotion, not content. And it is called reflective listening with affect labeling.

When someone is upset, they do not need advice. They do not need a solution. They need to feel seen, heard, and felt.

That is what this skill does. It allows you to listen so deeply and accurately that people feel truly seen and understood—sometimes for the first time in their lives.

Instead of saying, "I understand you are frustrated," you say, "You are feeling frustrated, and you are worn down."

That small shift changes everything. It lowers emotional intensity. It calms the brain. It re-engages trust, openness, and logic.

This is what makes great parents attuned. What makes great partners feel safe. What makes great leaders unforgettable.

The science backs it. Brain scans reveal that when we name an emotion, the emotional centers of the brain quiet down, while critical thinking is reactivated. This is why affect labeling is such a powerful tool—it helps others regulate their emotions without saying "calm down."

This kind of listening has a calming effect in just 90 seconds. But it can change the course of a conversation, a relationship, or a team dynamic.

If you have ever struggled with feeling disconnected from someone you care about, or if you are a leader seeking to build loyalty, trust, and motivation, this is the place to start.

Tell us whether "active listening" has worked for you. If it hasn't worked, tell us what happened? If it did work, tell us what you said that made the speaker feel heard and validated. We all learn from your experiences.

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