You never know what great value you will get from the Saturday Q & A Session with Doug Noll! Today we covered so much ground in 60 minutes. Each participant took away soething really tangible to add great value to the work they do! Come with your curiosity and I promise you won't be disappointed. And you'll get plenty of seed to plant for ways to create value for family members, clients, community, and for you!

We’re working on creating a series of specialized De-escalation trainings — each one focused on a different real-world environment. Before we lock in the lineup, I’d love to hear from you. Which of these areas feels most relevant to you right now?

One thing we talked about today was how to have the highest, most influential form of empathy -- speaking to the other person through their emotional "frame of reference." When we FIRST attend to the affect of others (that they usually don't express in words), using "You-Statements" (rather than sharing our own experience or using I-Statements), the other person feels-felt, their mind become more regulated, and then they can think and choose much better. The effects are absolutely amazing! Who wouldn't want the effects for themself? I need people to affect label me from my frame of reference too! With the range of meanings for empathy and the varying ideas people have for this fairly new word "empathy", I am very grateful to Doug Noll for focusing our attention on the bulls-eye definition to reflect a speakers' emotional inner experience from their "frame of reference". It truly is amazing for me to watch the effects, every day, with the many people I deescalate. What is your experience? What do you think?

I think we all saw the video and u can find it on YouTube. My main Question is how, at some point, after the initial non-rationale response do you actually explain there is a nail in the head? Or is the point to just to de-escalate?

Most of us have unwarranted entitlement expectations from our significant others. No one helped us connect the dots that, as adults, we cannot expect others to meet our unstated needs. We need to ask for them to met. More importantly, we need to be willing to accept “No” for an answer without blaming or shaming our partner. Relationship negotiation doesn’t sound very romantic or sexy, but it is the foundation of lasting love. Without strong, conscious relationship negotiating skills, couples are bound for conflict, fighting, and frustration. Here are four principles of relationship negotiation. Relationship Negotiation Principle 1: Fairness Is What You Create, Not What You Deserve Many people believe that life is supposed to be fair. If “the rules” are followed, if we eat our vegetables, if we are nice, and work hard, somehow we will be rewarded for our goodness. In relationships, the myth is if I am nice, loving, kind, and affectionate, my partner will do the same for me. Sadly, this myth is a lie told to us in childhood to make us behave like good little children. Life is not fair, and you are not entitled to fairness. There, I said it. If you want to be treated fairly, you have to work at it. Fairness is not some gift bestowed by your fairy godmother. On other hand, a good life is not about grabbing everything you can for yourself to the exclusion of everyone else. That’s not fair either, to you or to those around you. There has to be a balance, and balance is created through relationship negotiation. Fairness is what you create, not what you think you are entitled to because you are good person. Principle 2: You Have to Ask for What You Want As infants and small children, we could not ask for what we needed. We could only make a lot of noise to get someone’s attention. It was up to someone else to figure out whether we needed a diaper change or a bottle. Miraculously, Mom or Dad appeared and took care of us. While we learned to negotiate many other aspects of our lives as adults, we were not taught how to ask for what we needed and wanted in relationships. Instead, we carry a belief our unspoken needs that our partner will instantly recognize and satisfy us.