I hear there is some sort of sports ball contest occurring just outside the castle (though in a high security fort that is really picky about whom might be allowed in, to watch or participate). The winners get some sort of wooden cup, which is a metaphor for Christ, or possibly a metaphor for how cheap the organisers are. One of the two. I believe the Three Lions team is pretty popular amongst many of the castle residents, despite them being literal lions with little understanding of sports. Do we have fans of any of the other teams? I'll try to sneak around the back and climb on top of some bins to see if I can report on any of the games.

The moat, dug out by the originally owner of the castle to defend against invaders (mostly packets of Space Invaders), was built in the form of a Möbius strip, ensuring that you can follow it, by water, land or air, around the castle a full two times before returning to your original spot. The Moat has a variable diet, depending on what current fads it has heard from castle windows, or by people entering or leaving the castle. Needless to say, it is a dangerous place to swim if unsure whether your particular species is on the menu. Although an artificial waterway, many creatures and plants now called the moat home (some of which don't live there, but do have a terrible command of the English language). In it's waters can often be found: crocodiles, ducks, water buffalo, buffalo (water) wings, one particular tiger, frogs, toads, newts, Kevin the serpent, Lord Neptune (of the Herefordshire Neptunes), Flipper the dolphin, assorted fish, another different particular tiger, and a tentacled nasty named Cyril. I regret that I've failed to identify any plants so far, because I don't know what plants are. On days when the moat is particularly carnivorous, various animals can be found waiting at the waters edge to return, muttering under their breath. Castle staff regularly water those creatures best suited to the water, though residents sometimes find their bathtubs repurposed to temporarily rehouse one. There are currently two boats that can be hired, one owned by a grim looking fellow in a long black cloak, who asks only for two coins, the other owned by a farmer with a chicken, a bag of grain, and a fox, who has long since left his farm to fall to disrepair. Please report on: - the current appetite of the moat - the nature of and behaviour of any animals spotted - anything encountered by following the moat

A pin has been found in Lake Fucklestein, to the south-south-south of the Castle. It is believed to be a structural hat pin. Please advise if your hat seems to be falling apart and what kind of hat it is.

There is a stoat in the moat. It appears to float. Please report any other behaviour. Rhyming optional.

It has been observed, on the hill to the south of the castle, overlooking the mask orchards, members of the castle's staff and residents have taken to flying their hand-crafted kites. The kite flyers are becoming increasingly competitive (most notable Brother Kalvin from the nearby monastery/brewery with his ornate crucifix kite and senior guardsman Jim Gordon, who appears to have a bat on a leash) thus far only competing by trying to show off their impressive kites and kite skills, keeping their kites airborne for as long as possible, but it is surely only a matter of time before some sort of kite arena is constructed and the kites are pitted against each other. Residents are invited to fly kites of their own creation, or simply to watch and report of the ongoing activities of the kite flyers.