Analogous cycles... · Brojo: Confidence & Integrity

Analogous cycles...

So in my deep dive into narcissism (I probably spent the better part of the entire weekend listening to videos and podcasts while driving) I've learned about the typical lifecycle of a narc relationship:

Love bombing / Idealizing
Invalidation
Discard
Hoovering

In a relationship, this is probably easy to understand. But it occurred to me that I am doing essentially this same cycle with every project or idea that I have. I typically fizzle out after a few weeks to a few months when I start something new.

At first inception of an idea, I get really excited about it. Its new and shiny. I love the idea, I have an immediate idealization of what it could be, and that sticks in my mind.

As I begin to work the idea, I will quickly start invalidating it. Has this been done before? Is it just a stupid idea? Is this a waste of my time? Will anybody else care? Can I even do it? Do I have the energy or discipline to even really start on it in ernest?

Often times I will get discouraged and just drop the idea right there (discard). Maybe I get started on it for a while, and then drop out. Could be days. Could be months. I've found 3 months is often the max for things I get really going on.

But, I never let anything go. I'll pick it up later. This is the hoovering, where I suck the idea back into my head, if not into action again.. and the cycle repeats.

With relationships, this is really toxic. With projects, its at best, not productive. Of course the reasons

behind it differ greatly. At least, for me, I don't think I'm doing this intentionally or out of some deep seated trauma based insecurity. I'm simply not disciplined enough or confident enough in my ability, and that of course, gets worse the more times I dont finish something I started.

But the analogy helps in my mind. For instance, at the start, I should not permanently snapshot the idealized version. I should allow that to evolve as I go and learn. I should not invalidate myself unecessarily. I should not discard things, although, an intentional "I'm shelving this for now" is acceptable because hey you can't do every single idea (I can't anyway, there's too many).

Conclusion: I need to finish what I start, even if thats a conscious decision to shelf or toss something that isn't working.

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