Asalaamu’alaikoum Wa Rahmatullah ladies, with my refined process and serious intentions I’m getting back into the marriage search and vetting bi'ithnillah. I’ve always been picky but admittedly I wasn’t serious (nor prepared for) marriage before this year. I’m the eldest at 22 so my father has yet to act as a Wali for any of his children subhanAllah. With my new process of filtering through the seious and unserious, establishing some compatibility with a mahram chaperone, then hastening to pass them off to my Wali if interest is there; I anticipate some first meetings to be coming up. I’m a lil nervous but also idk what to expect. My parents and I decided first meetings will be at cafes or gardens to gauge public manners and keep some distance initially, and to focus on conversation rather than food. Also, my dad will sit with us (me and potential) with my mom nearby, he will initiate the convo post introductions but step to the side that way the potential isn't looking to him for answers with questions only I can answer bc it’s about me lol. Then my dad will wrap it up after 60-90 mins if it doesn’t naturally conclude early. Any advice or tips on how to not be too shy, do I make eye contact or not, etc… or even just stories of your first meeting ever would be greatly appreciated sisters 💓 Also, I’m in niqab but if a potential gets as far as a first meeting and wants to see my face I’m willing to show them (since attractiveness is important, men are visual and tbh it’s important he’s attractive to me and finds me attractive too) so if anyone has gone through that and has any suggestions on how to not make it awkward and how long to let the look last before placing the niqab back let me know lol.

Would you consider a brother who allows his sisters to travel alone with a non-mahram driver a red flag? It threw me off when I found out about it, even though the family is "religious," but this made me uneasy. His father passed away a long time ago, and the girls are more than the guys, with only 3 brothers, 2 working, one in the city I live in and another in the city her family lives in and one studying who also lives in the same city. I am pretty sure they could've managed a way to ensure their safety. I found out that previously, two of the sisters also travelled alone. It has made me consider what I would expect as a treatment from such a potential because I would not be able to trust him or feel safe knowing this, nor in such situations. Is this supposed to be a hard boundary? It scared me because this is something I would naturally expect, but having heard this, I realise not everyone has this as a basic condition like me, especially considering it is not Islamically allowed for a woman to travel alone.

Assalamu Alaikum sisters Where I live , we do something called a samosa run where the boys family together with the boy come to the girls family. The boy and the girl are allowed to have a conversation for around 30 minutes. Then the boy's mother would tell the girl's mother if he wants to marry her. Then the girl has to decide if she wants to marry him. So what I'm struggling with is how do I know whether this person is someone that I want to marry. How do I know someone's character from 1 conversation?

Salaam everyone, I wanted to share something personal and get some honest advice from sisters who may have gone through something similar. I’m 22 and currently a student. About a year ago, my family and I were speaking to another family for marriage. In the beginning, everything felt really right; our families got along well, conversations were smooth, and there seemed to be strong compatibility in terms of deen, lifestyle, and interests. I spoke to the mother and the son, and both interactions were genuinely good. There was mutual understanding and attraction, and it felt easy to talk to him. But shortly after we started making istikhara, there was a sudden shift. His parents became inconsistent in communication: calls weren’t answered, messages were vague, and overall it created a lot of confusion and anxiety for us. Despite this, the son still expressed interest and even mentioned moving forward with another meeting. During that time, I kept making istikhara, and internally I started feeling uneasy. By around the seventh day, I felt strongly that I shouldn’t go ahead, so I told my parents I didn’t want to continue; even though I really liked him and had hoped it would work out. Now, over a year later, I still find myself thinking about him. I’ve spoken to other potentials since, but I haven’t felt the same level of connection or alignment. It makes me wonder if I made the right decision, or if I let something good go because of fear or mixed signals. At the same time, I also question whether the communication issues from his family were red flags that I shouldn’t ignore. So I wanted to ask: Have any of you experienced something similar? Do you think this is something I should let go of and trust my istikhara, or could it have been a case of wrong timing? Jazakum Allahu khayran in advance for your advice 🤍

This is something that I've been seeing a lot during my marriage search.. people slapping "deen over dunya" on their profiles as if that really tells you anything about their religiosity.. I spent a while trying to understand what it meant since it wasn't a concept I grew up with (i guess it's more common in the West), but I noticed that most treat deen as a separate entity entirely as if in a secular sense, it's one of the areas of their life that they work on (career, spirituality, family, etc.). But doesn't Islam teach us otherwise? Isn't deen supposed to be like the iOS/android operating system that runs everything we do rather than how I've seen people applying "Deen over Dunya" where they do more "deen-focused' activities (being in service, ritualistic ibadah, etc.) and have that define their religiosity instead of having deen be the thing that roots every action they take. While it's something I will always work on, I feel like when I remind myself of why I accept certain jobs or do certain actions while rooting my why in deen, the barakah comes flooding in, but when I'm disconnected from it, I notice the anxiety that comes with it. This is just something I've been thinking about lately as it's something I look for in marriage, someone rooted in deen, but I think it wasn't until I defined it for myself that I was able to reflect on how far I've come on my journey of being rooted in deen in EVERY area of life and not as a secular category. SubhanAllah when I reflect on that, I can CLEARLY see how Allah is the best of planners and how Al-Hadi is holding my hand and guiding me every step of the way in everything I do. It's not become so easy to spot people who use the ritualistic forms of ibadah as a sign of religiosity vs those who are truly grounded and guided by deen. @Mindful Muslimah's last video literally helped me put all of this together because it's something that I've been contemplating for a while but not fully grasping on why I find people who say deen over dunya problematic (i've gotten into arguments with friends about it but couldn't articulate why it made no sense to me). SubhanAllah, Al-Hadi truly reveals things when you're ready to receive them and understand them.