I feel like every other conversation I start ends the same way. My wali gets involved, sometimes even a meeting or two happens, and then... nothing. He gets busy. He gets "distracted." He wasn't really ready, apparently. Or worse, he was "just seeing where it goes" this whole time while my wali and I thought we were actually working toward something serious. And every time it happens, I lose a little bit of energy I didn't even realize I was spending. The hope I had, the mental space I gave him, the way I started picturing things, all of it just... gone. Not to mention having to explain to my wali, again, why this one didn't work out either. And I have to start over. Again. I know not every man who reaches out is a bad person. Some genuinely don't know what they want yet, and that's on them to figure out before they start a conversation with someone. But sis, I'm tired of being someone's practice round while I'm out here trying to build an actual future. At what point do I start asking upfront, "are you actually ready for this, or are you just testing the waters?" Is that too forward? Or is it exactly the kind of clarity we should be demanding from the start? Anyone else feeling this lately? How do you protect your energy when you keep running into half-hearted intentions? 💭

Salam! I hope everyone is doing well! I’m coming on here to seek advice from sister on what thing nonnegotiables should be. I know everyone has their different needs and expectations but I just feel like once I start reading about others it might spark my idea too and help me form the values I have into nonnegotiables. I just feel like I’m not aware of those values yet, so it’s frustrating to try to come up with something that I can’t put my finger on quite yet. I watched a video of mindful muslimah talking about non negotiables and how she helped her daughters correct their list. I need also tips of the vetting process