Allahumma barik, this is actually a very well thought-out list; you’ve clearly put a lot of reflection into it One thing I did want to ask though, especially on the point about avoiding addictions (like internet use, lowering the gaze, etc.) — how would you actually gauge something like that in practice? Because realistically, no one is going to openly admit to something like a porn addiction or even struggles with it, especially in this context. And it’s such an important issue because it affects so many aspects of marriage. Would you approach it indirectly, like asking about habits, routines, how they manage their time online, or their understanding of lowering the gaze? Or is it more something you try to observe over time? I’m just curious how you would navigate that, because it’s definitely a non-negotiable but also one of the hardest things to verify. 🤍

@Aseel Himeidan hmmm interesting point. That’s actually a really good idea, perhaps even asking what time they usually go to sleep may indicate good/bad habits?

@Aseel Himeidan Girl stoppp 😭🤣 now I’m actually thinking I should delete it before it becomes my personality Alhamdulillah I’m so glad it helped me, honestly it helped a lot 🤍 Ameen ya Rabb and for you too love. And sameee, that feeling of “I know too much about what I want” 🫠 it’s like a blessing and a struggle at the same time Also thank you so much for all these resources, I really appreciate it. I’m definitely going to check out the 5 day challenge and the 4 prompts InshaAllah. Even the classroom section—I didn’t realise there was so much there, so I’m going to look into it properly. The live recordings sound really beneficial too. And yesss, the questions I asked were actually from Mindful Muslims (MM), Alhamdulillah. I only asked one though, and the guy answered really well—he actually came across as a green flag. So I do understand the open-ended question approach, I think I just need to work on not making it feel like I’m interviewing him while also leading the whole conversation 😭 What you said about not turning yellow flags into red flags… yeah that really hit me. I think sometimes I do that without even realising, especially when I get into my head after the conversation. And the rambling thing 😭 subhanAllah that is EXACTLY what happens—I think I’ve messed it up, internalise it, and then convince myself “yeah that wasn’t it” Also the point about not writing someone off just to escape discomfort… yeah I needed that reminder too. Because sometimes I think I do that when I’m unsure or overwhelmed. I’ll definitely look into that doc with the 100 questions and how to gauge answers—that sounds sooo helpful. May Allah grant you so much success sis and bless you with the best, Ameen 💞 and yesss when I reach level 4 I’m coming straight back to youuu 😂🥹🫂🫶

@Mindful Muslimah I would very much appreciate that 🥰🤗. JazakAllah Hu Khairan.

Wa alaikum asalaam wa rahmatullah sis 💓 Honestly, most of my conversations have actually been on video call, but the few times it was in person, the guy came to our house and my brother would sit in the room as a chaperone. Also, before I even speak to someone, we usually exchange photos (just a one-time exchange). I feel like it saves time—if there’s no attraction from either side, then there’s no need to continue. Before that though, my dad speaks to the potential first and kind of “interviews” him. He asks basic but important questions and tries to gauge him—like his understanding of niqab (since people practice very differently), living arrangements, madhab, and other core things. If those align and my dad is comfortable with how he carries himself, then we move to exchanging photos. If everything still seems good, then me and the guy have our first conversation. For that first conversation, I don’t wear my niqab. And I won’t lie to you—it’s VERY nerve-wracking, especially as someone who wears niqab and doesn’t speak to men. Like genuinely, sometimes I get so nervous that the guy will be telling me something important about himself, and instead of responding or asking a follow-up to show I’m listening, I just jump to my next question 😅 Then after the conversation I’m like… wow, I didn’t even acknowledge what he said, poor guy. It’s so natural and easy with women, but with men it really does feel different at first. So one tip I’d give is to try to slow down a bit and actually respond to what he’s saying, even if it’s just a simple acknowledgment or small follow-up question. And honestly, try not to overthink it too much—you will be fine inshaAllah. It’s normal to feel shy and nervous, especially in your situation, but it gets easier with time and experience. May Allah grant you a صالح spouse who is خير for your dunya and akhirah 🤍

@Jinan Akh Wa alaykum as-salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh ukhti 💛 I really appreciated your perspective, especially the part about men being nervous too. I completely agree — especially for practicing brothers, many have been raised to keep distance from women, so even being in this kind of setting can feel quite intense for them. And honestly, the example you gave about that meeting was really thoughtful Allahumma barik — the way you noticed he was nervous and then came prepared with those questions to ease the situation, that was really kind and intentional of you. But I did want to ask your opinion on something. Do you feel like that could shift the dynamic a bit, in the sense that you’re the one taking the lead in making him feel comfortable? Because I sometimes wonder if, naturally, the man should be the one creating that sense of ease and guiding the interaction, especially since we as women will also feel shy and nervous. Like, if from the beginning we’re the ones trying to calm things down and manage the atmosphere, does that impact his ability to lead later on? Even thinking ahead to marriage, you’d hope he’s the one who helps you feel comfortable and reassured. So I sometimes question whether getting used to the opposite dynamic early on is something to be mindful of. I’d really love to hear how you see that balance, because I do understand where you’re coming from as well 🤍

Wa alaykum as-salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh ukhti 💛 we have the same name 🥰🥰 Subhanallah. Ameen, and may Allah bless you too for your kind words 🌸 Regarding Pure Matrimony — I’ve actually used it myself, and it was recommended within my family as well. Alhamdulillah, two of my relatives did get married through it, so it definitely can work. From my experience, it does require payment if you want full access — I think it’s around $80–$90 a year. There might be a free trial, but you can’t really message properly without the subscription. One thing I did appreciate is that it’s monitored and feels a bit more structured than things like WhatsApp groups. Also, since people are paying, it can filter for those who are a bit more serious. But at the same time, it’s not perfect. You still get time-wasters — like people reaching out seriously at first, but then disappearing when a wali gets involved. I’ve had that happen quite a few times, especially since my father manages the initial communication. And sometimes there are inconsistencies too, like age not being accurate. That said, we have come across some genuinely good profiles as well, so I think it really comes down to patience and qadr. The platform helps, but it’s not everything. May Allah make it easy for all of us and grant us righteous spouses who bring us closer to Him, Allahumma ameen 🤍

When guy and I and his parents / family are all happy and are willing to make it work. Also when they communicate well.