Tracy would you please reiterate the alternative response to “I did my best” you shared in the class. In addition to it being very triggering due to issues within my FOO (family of origin), my ACs have responded that it feels like excuse making and an unwillingness to take responsibility (dismissive) re the impact of my behaviors, and I cannot disagree with them. Thank you.

Hello, I'm excited to join this group and hoping to meet new people in this community as we find new ways to learn about parenting our grown children.

Unfortunately I had to miss previous session. I wanted to go back and listen. Don't know where to find past sessions.

Background: First daughter (39) single- no children: After official estrangement in 2021, we are building trust in our relationship as I have been keeping her cat since May 2025. (lives a state away) I am thankful for the turn of events. Second daughter (38) married - no children: There has been no official statement of estrangement. (lives a state away) She is going through a difficult divorce since June. I support long-distance via simple messages and hear nothing back. Third daughter (37) single - no children: We are officially estranged since December 2023. (lives across the country) January 2025 she messaged me she was engaged and only told me the gentleman’s first name. She said they would have the ceremony ‘next year,’ which puts it in 2026. I sent a text last evening with the following words: “Good evening, I am curious about wedding plans possibly happening this year. I would to love to attend and thus make plans to be there. With love and support, Mom” I was a single parent for 11 years after a 10 year marriage to their father. He was emotionally abusive and then other abuse toward them after the divorce. I remarried to a good man whom they were fond of When he passed in 2014, while they were in their late twenties, in hindsight, things began to change as a whole. Then, during the pandemic each began to distance in individual ways and timings. The point of my post: I am currently in the middle of module 2 and journaling as I begin the program. While waiting for a response from the third daughter, whom is engaged, about the possible wedding date, I am shaky at work. All kinds of thoughts of how I failed as a parent are swirling in my head. I request. . . suggestions on ways to keep my nervous system regulated to not be anxious and shaky at work, and to be productive at home and not in bed or on the couch. Thank you~

Very effective method! I kept quiet and counted like this i don’t know how many times but her first sentence triggered it and i kept going in order to remain calm and not lose my cool. My entire life I saw parents get upset, explode and i admit I learned to do the same thing. I am a reactor! 👎Is my bad habit broken… well, maybe not yet, but I learned that if you really focus and work on it, we can remain calm. Sacred stillness! I have so much hope that I can finally gain control over my mouth when tensions run high! I DID IT!!!!!! YaY! We had our big “meeting” with son # 2 and his girlfriend so we could try to reconcile and be allowed to see our granddaughter, almost 3 months old now. Mission accomplished! PHEW! I was asked to start, which was the hardest part to apologize but Catherine was right…it did not kill me. Stung (made me a lot a sick to my stomach) but, hubby stepped in and helped me a little, thank goodness. Then it was her turn and she asked that i do not interrupt her. “Pausing sounds a lot like listening” - i think those are your exact words Catherine - and it sure does. Wow! I tried to dig for empathy …(my kids say my disgust often shows on my face - Catherine said watch for tone and body language) It all sounded all very self-centered (especially since i did not share my side) in the moment, but her pain was very evident. Their pain being described in great detail. I ruined the end of her pregnancy and the first months of having her first baby. I felt slammed with guilt and had to really process this all afterwards. I think i let myself feel badly….i accept that i played a part in it…. i felt badly for a day or two and now i am done and moving on. Catherine taught me this too! I actually said more than i intended (goal was go listen pause and make peace ) some thoughts were less eloquently said than i wish but i walked away content that i shared three important things. One that I too suffered and woke up every night with her “you are not welcome in our house or child’s life” statement in her email all while caregiving for my mom. That’s all i chose to share, but i needed to say that out loud too! Second, that since we are all adults and they want our respect they should remember that we would like that too. We felt they did not respect our boundaries when asked to email the rules in lieu of insisting and forcing coming to our house when i clearly was not up for it all. My son admitted it would not have gone over well in writing. I did not reply. But, Hmmmm….. i think he knows deep down why….but i left it alone. I spoke LESS…. this is a first…. and it was better actually!!! Pausing - what a beautiful thing!