Tracy would you please reiterate the alternative response to “I did my best” you shared in the class. In addition to it being very triggering due to issues within my FOO (family of origin), my ACs have responded that it feels like excuse making and an unwillingness to take responsibility (dismissive) re the impact of my behaviors, and I cannot disagree with them. Thank you.

Catherine - I am going to bare my soul here. I’m truly wondering as I’m moving through the PACT content if this program can address the complex issues within my family. I shared my concern with the onboarding individual I spoke with, and she assured me that it would. Firstly, I am separated from my spouse of 37 years due to a very unhealthy relationship I stayed with for religious reasons and was not able to leave until I was able to address religious trauma and deconstruct. My children experienced a very dysfunctional / unhealthy upbringing due to the religion. My “spouse” is very manipulative with my children, and I was labeled the “bad one” for leaving. Someone had to “stop the insanity” and chaos. I mentioned in the PACT call this evening that my daughter has been married to a Russian orphan for 15 years who has caused significant issues in our family dynamic over the years. We have shown him compassion and grace, and he has done nothing but take advantage of our kindness and patience. HIs own adopted family has not had contact with him for many years due to his behaviors. He has worked very hard to attempt to isolate our daughter from us and has had periods of success in doing so. I very much want to have a healthy relationship with her, and the request from her is “to let the past be the past”. This has been an ongoing pattern as his behavior patterns continue repeatedly, so “the past” consists of 15 years including recent events. He is resistant to treatment, and my daughter has to carry all the responsibilities, as he can’t hold a job and doesn’t work … staying home smoking weed and playing video games. She has stated off and on that she is going to divorce him and doesn’t follow through. She has done therapy and various healing modalities and continues to be manipulated by him. I have been estranged from my oldest son from a teen marriage for over 6 years now. He is an abusive man, and his children have suffered significant trauma. One of his children died due to his negligence. I have no confidence that my relationship with my grandchildren can be restored as he has turned my grandchildren who I once had a very close relationship with against my family.

My daughter is an attorney so argues for a living. :) I shared this with my daughter when I felt she was “case building” with me … aka “attacking” … It’s a post I saw that deeply resonated with me … "What My Silence Really Means" When I go quiet, it’s not because I’m fine. And it’s not because I’ve stopped caring either. It usually means I’ve reached a point where there’s nothing left to say that hasn’t already been said. I’ve tried talking. I’ve tried explaining. But when words don’t lead anywhere, silence feels easier. It’s not about giving up, it’s about realizing you can’t make someone understand what they don’t want to. My silence means I’m tired. Not the kind of tired that sleep fixes, the kind that comes from always defending myself or trying to be heard. After a while, you just stop trying. It also means I’m accepting things for what they are. Some people won’t change. Some situations won’t get better. And some endings are just meant to happen, even if you weren’t ready for them. These days, I don’t want to explain myself over and over. I don’t want to argue about things that should be simple. I just want peace, even if it means being misunderstood. So if you notice I’ve gone quiet, don’t take it as coldness. It’s not anger. It’s not attitude. It’s just me trying to protect my peace, to stop fighting things that only drain me. My silence doesn’t mean I’ve stopped feeling, it means I’m finally letting go of what hurts.

My daughter sent me a message on Sunday night about her dad ( who is an alcoholic) " I know my Dad is drinking again. He keeps calling me and hate not to answer the phone, but he only calls me when he is drinking. I can't have this stress in my life. Her dad and I are divorced. I responded to her in a text " Thinking of you, I know this situation with your dad is heartbreaking, Watching him struggle is awful and okay to feel angry and sad about it.. I need to remind you and myself, that we cannot control his addiction. It is a disease, but we cannot help him until he is ready to help himself. Please make sure you are setting boundaries to protect your heart . You are not responsible for fixing this, I love you" She responded with a heart and said I love you, Mom.

4/23/2026 Hello. My husband and I have been in this course since early March. This is bound to be long because I’ve been planning to write this post for quite some time, and now I have more to report. OK—here goes, and, believe me, this is mighty uncomfortable. I have had four or five major breakthroughs in the past few weeks. Catherine’s questions bring me back to years—decades--of therapy, group counseling, neurolinguistic work, positive psychology training, intuition training, Reiki healing, and everything else I’ve done. I have examined past trauma, starting in childhood, and including generational trauma, as well as communication and behavior patterns I’ve developed throughout the years (including early marriage and divorce—this is my 2nd marriage), and relationships with both healthy and unhealthy people. What I should do is go back and review notes and journals. I’m remembering snippets from past years when my oldest daughter said, “The closer you want to be, the farther away we’ll go” (or something to that effect), “You are too clingy and needy,” “you don’t respect boundaries,” “I’m very private and you tell people my business.” There is more: “When I was 11, you did this/you said that. . . .” I rarely understood any of that. Of course, I got defensive and then “took it personally,” and that’s what she got stuck on: “You take everything personally.” (And how else would I take it?) I’d even say, “OK, I was a bad mother. So sorry.” (And then cry.) (This came from one daughter—not the other—our oldest, who is now 41.) I just thought it was an odd reaction to my expressing interest in her life and wanting to share. I could never hear this as anything but her pushing me away and criticizing. I felt she was mean and cruel. She has never apologized to me once in her life. (Catherine enlightened me by saying that people who are “perfectionists” cannot apologize. I understand that now, and she IS a perfectionist. Also, I only now understand parts of her life in the past 6-8 years, living with an alcoholic, dysfunctional husband and father of her son/our grandson; he could not hold a job, she brought in the money by working full-time AND operating her own business, driving long distances for work, working nonstop in a very demanding job (with mentally ill criminals), not sleeping. Our grandson would call us at midnight, sobbing and scared. . . . I see now that she was in survival mode. We didn’t even know about the alcoholism—she didn’t tell us—we just knew he was impossible and miserable to us—until shortly before he died last year.