Boundaries and autonomy!

Oh my god, yes! I love this! 💕

So true!! I wanted to share that I think improv comedy offers fascinating insights into dismantling perfectionism. The entire foundation of successful improv rests on embracing "mistakes" – yet beginners (myself included when I was starting out) are often paralysed by the fear of making the wrong move. They mistakenly believe the magic comes from conjuring brilliant ideas on the spot and being devastatingly clever and witty, when actually it emerges from building on each other's contributions one step at a time. The best scenes unfold through unexpected curveballs and reinterpretations that veer far from anyone's original intentions, essentially from "failure". Actually, "perfect" scenes are so lifeless and boring and incredibly unfunny – like watching a very careful game of ping-pong. Much of improv training deliberately cultivates an anti-perfectionist mindset. There's even an exercise where everyone shares something they messed up that week, and the group cheer wildly – literally rewiring our brains to celebrate rather than fear failure. While this might seem specific to comedy and collaborative scene-building, I think the principles translate beautifully to life itself. So much of what I consider magical or meaningful has sprung from "mistakes" and unexpected turns. The control I thought I had over my life seems largely illusory. When we participate wholeheartedly in life – prepared to "fail" in service of exploration and creativity – we often discover the most rewarding outcomes emerge not from rigid planning, but from our willingness to play, adapt, and build on whatever arises. As soon as this clicked for me, I thought, "Brilliant! I'll fail perfectly – I'm going to be the absolute champion of failure and get a gold star from the teacher for it!" So clearly, I still have some work to do!

@Simone Mir Oh wow, this sounds so familiar - your poor mum! It's heartbreaking, isn't it? I always felt terrible for my mum because her addiction was impossible to hide in any situation. She was actually passed over for a promotion at work because of it (completely illegal!). The judgment was relentless. Even this year for her birthday, my dad said, why don't we sign her up for some programme where she'd only eat special diabetic yogurts for a year (despite not being diabetic). Because, Dad, that would literally be the worst birthday gift imaginable. 🤦‍♀️ I'm absolutely convinced as well that obesity has some sort of link to unprocessed trauma, so to be constantly bullied on top of that - awful!

@Danny O'Keeffe Thank you so much for this - it's incredibly helpful! I think reframing rebellion is exactly what I needed to hear. I've been getting stuck thinking rebellion means getting a tattoo on my arse or riding a Harley topless, and then thinking honestly, I don't think I would enjoy doing either of those things 😂. But yes, I realise I've been thinking about rebellion too literally. Your perspective - that it's about choosing joy and authenticity over safety - really resonates with me. That's such a powerful way to frame it. I'm going to reflect on what my inner child was never allowed to do or be ❤️

Hey @Mia Agapito, I really relate to this again. Every time you write, it takes me right back to where I was this time last year. I remember how the anxiety eventually gave way to this massive wall of depression, which completely freaked me out. I'd never experienced depression or depressive feelings before, and it felt genuinely frightening because all my coping mechanisms were built around being addicted to stress. These depressive feelings felt completely foreign and threatening. I have this vivid memory of going birdwatching with my dad and feeling this crushing weight of emptiness. Beauty that would normally set me alight left me completely unmoved, and I spiraled about that too. Looking back, I remember a couple of things that helped. There was a Dennis Simsek video explaining that depression is actually a sign of progress—something about it being the void from which you start building a new life. And a Therapy in a Nutshell video that reframed depression as actually a really smart response to circumstances. That perspective shift was huge for me—recognising that this part was still trying to protect me, just like anxiety, but its version of reality wasn't true. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVVWcfnnlmU At the time, my situation felt hopeless (even though it wasn't), so not hoping or feeling anything was my nervous system's way of protecting me from crushing disappointment or wasting energy on things that seemed doomed to fail. I treated it the same way I'd learned to handle anxiety: I befriended the sensations. The crushing weight in my stomach, the lead feeling in my limbs—I'd touch those parts of my body and say "it's safe to feel this," then find parts that didn't carry that weight and remind myself these feelings were only part of me. I kept gently showing up to things I knew were good for my soul, putting zero pressure on myself to feel anything while I was there. Recognising that these feelings wouldn't annihilate me or last forever, and that they weren't objectively describing reality, helped me allow them to be there. Understanding they came from a place of protection—from a part that loved me—allowed me to gently participate in life until those feelings moved through.

@Simone Mir 100% agree about beautiful scenery making the feelings seem heavier because of the disconnect between your inner and outer worlds!