Assignment accepted, you don't have to ask me twice. Follow-up report pending.

Our 10-year-old grandson is autistic, and I absolutely love the moments when we truly connect like when he looks me in the eyes and lets me into his world. Whether we're outside with the bubble machine, chasing bubbles together, or he’s placing a plastic letter in one hand and a number in the other, waiting for me to say: “Sesame Street was brought to you today by the letter of the day C and the number 6.” Or when he strums the guitar while I change the chord shapes—did I mention he can sing in perfect pitch? And then there’s our 6-year-old granddaughter, full of imagination and magic. She loves to pretend. She’ll be the teacher, and we’re the students (I’m usually the misbehaving one).She builds fairy gardens with dirt in a pan and tiny props, creating entire worlds. And no matter how long we’ve been apart, I can always count on hearing “will you play with me?”

I appreciate your vulnerability, this definitely hits close to home. If a child is upset with me/us (the parent/parents), we should respect their feelings and not immediately become defensive. We shouldn't automatically jump to 'you are being disrespectful'. This has not always been my stance, I am chagrined to admit I was the one to quickly challenge or pushback. However, this changed for me a couple of years ago. You see, a storm blew through and compromised a couple of sections of our wood fence. One of our adult son's was living with us at the time. He offered a repair solution. I didn't see how it was going to work and also thought it would be tacky. So I replied with "I prefer to get new wood slats" and pretty much shut him down. My decision turned out to be the 'straw that broke the camel's back'. You see, my career is in Information Technology. Our other son is a natural and followed the same path and he often gifts me electronic gadgets and then as part of the gift will install and configure said gadget. Our other son is a natural handyman. We'll he lashed out at me yelling "you always trust (brother's name) to fix, troubleshoot or install whatever, but you don't think I'm capable. I offered to take care of a problem with the car, you said no. You shut me down for a better way to move a refrigerator, and now you don't trust that I can fix your fence." I was gutted in that moment, it hit me just how deeply I had hurt him. I waited a day and then approached him, thanked him for calling me out, and asked him to forgive me. I let him know I value his skills and that I love him very much. I asked if he would fix the fence the way he thought best—and if he’d allow me to help, so I could learn how to do it right from him. He agreed. We repaired the fence using materials on hand. It worked and was very sturdy. In fact, fast forward a bit, since the repair, we've had several strong windstorms, and the fence has held up each time. His solution proved solid. Not long after the repair, he moved out of state. Whenever we talk, I make a point to tell him the fix is still holding, and thank him for showing me a better way.

For me, inner peace isn't just one thing, it's a collection of moments. The therapy of making music with a musical instrument. The joy of watching a favorite artist perform. Catching a stunning sunset on a solitary walk. Sitting by the ocean and spotting a sea lion or the glimpse of a whale or dolphin. Paddling a kayak in open waters. A trail that leads to a meadow with a quiet pond, a flowing river, or the rush of a waterfall. Sitting on the back patio and watching the rabbits nibble the grass while squirrels and variety of birds share a feeder and bowl of water. These don't all happen at once, but when they do occur, there is inner peace, a renewing so to speak.

I'll add to the I'm too busy list, too busy to finish the registration process for FamLead so I can begin contributing and growing. True story. However, here I am, this is an immediate victory claimed. 😀 I will start to reclaim joy in the journey, begin exercising (swimming and walking) the week of 28 July (surgeon has cleared me), and adequately practicing instructor given assignments for guitar. I see this 'committing to' directly correlating with the post 'things that control me'. I've said no more often, set priorities, got up at 5am, and other best practices. However, many priorities get directed to 5am, the open slot from saying no is closed with an unanticipated priority, and here I am...wash, rinse, repeat. Genuinely saying help!