Hi Olja and welcome 👋🏻 I read your bio and, if you want too, Love to hear what choosing for yourself brought you so far and doing your best, like we all do, to make conscious decisions so we grow and experience joy ☺️

For me the difference is felt in the body, alignment feels calm and grounded even when it is uncomfortable, negotiation feels tight and anxious because the mind is trying to stay in control. I still believe in Free will. For me Free will is not about choosing comfort, it is about choosing whether you trust that deeper knowing or keep protecting the old safety patterns.

Paula, between the lines I hear someone whose nervous system was built around responsibility, endurance, and survival, not someone who is addicted to productivity for ego reasons. This pause wasn’t chosen, and that’s what makes it so unsettling. When life forces stillness before the body feels safe enough to rest, fear naturally shows up. Not because rest is wrong, but because your system learned long ago that stopping could mean danger, loss, or letting someone down. I believe what you’re really asking is not “How do I stop being productive?” It’s “How do I trust that I am still worthy, safe, and a good mother when I’m not performing?” The discomfort isn’t a character flaw. It’s grief for an identity that once kept you and your daughter afloat. Untangling worth from productivity often starts not with new beliefs, but with letting the body slowly experience that nothing bad happens when you soften, even a little. I can tell from my own experience ☺️ This isn’t about abandoning responsibility. It’s about learning that being alive is not the same as being useful🙏

Yes. Many people experience exactly this, even though it is rarely spoken about. Touching higher states does not erase survival patterns. It often brings them to the surface so they can be seen and integrated. Falling back into survival does not mean you were a hypocrite, it means your nervous system was overwhelmed and returned to what it knows. Awakening is not a straight line upward. It moves in waves. Expansion, contraction, remembering, forgetting, and remembering again with more compassion. Nothing real was lost. What you touched is still there. You are not broken. You are in the middle of integration.

@Paul Hedron I hope @I Am Rey Will look in to this asap too