We often believe being a people-pleaser helps others, but are we sure? This video explores how our actions, like cheering up the sad or giving unsolicited advice, might actually hinder growth and healing, preventing others from finding their own solutions and experiencing personal triumph.

Hey everyone Today marks my 12th anniversary as a full time confidence coach. Well, I think it’s today but can’t be sure exactly. Anyway… In case I don’t do this often enough, I want to thank all of you who read my newsletters or watch my videos or listen to my podcast etc. - your support allows me to do what I love for a living. Prior to being a coach, the longest I’d last in a position/job was about 12 months before I got bored and either moved on or tried to get promoted. I guess that means I’ve found my thing! It was hard going at the beginning. I started doing it on the side of my regular job for about 8 months, then took the leap and went full time. The first few years were rocky financially and I worked way too hard and was pretty stressed out a lot of the time. Then things smoothed out over time, and now I only get stressed when I’m self-sabotaging. The business itself is now well established, with a core audience (you guys) who are enthusiastic about living with integrity. I used to dream of changing the world, but that was just egotistic bullshit. I’ve finally learned that I should consider myself lucky to even slightly influence a couple of people towards being more confident. It takes everything I’ve got just to coach a few guys and girls to becoming self-confident and living with integrity, and I’ve learned to appreciate that and stay focused on my little tribe. To my paying clients and customers, you allow me to do this work full time and put food on my table and support my family. I never lose sight of my appreciation for you. Not just for the cash you fork over, obviously, but for allowing me to have a privileged position in your life, for your trust and honesty and bravery. You take a risk when you let me influence you, and I’m humbled that you’d allow me to effect the direction your life takes. Most of my own self-development has come from being a coach, because I’m regularly inspired and shamed by my work with clients into holding myself to a high standard. When I first started coaching, I considered myself more “advanced” than my clients. The level of confidence in my clients has since improved dramatically, and now I regularly find myself challenged to live up to the same standards you guys live by.

Hey guys, A few years ago, inspired by Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations", I wrote a book of short Lessons I've picked up from my time as a coach and running Brojo. If you'd like a copy of this book, type "Lessons" into the comments below and I'll DM it to you Cheers Dan

Hey Army, Since my last post On top of the world in Istanbul, I’ve travelled across to Ireland for a literary festival, and down to Southeast Asia for a spiritual fix. I’m writing from Da Lat in Vietnam’s Central Highlands, a region of hills, pine forests, Buddhist temples, lakes and waterfalls. Next stop: Thailand. I’ve been fortunate to meet some interesting people in my travels, and discovered that the universal language of honesty is very forgiving of limited vocabulary and dodgy grammar on both sides. Even if I’m just passing through for a few days, genuine connection is possible within minutes when we are curious, skip the small talk, and are willing to share who we truly are. I’ve also been connecting with people around the world working in the mental health space, where the power of honesty for healing and recovery is without boundaries. Advance copies of my forthcoming book The Integrity Cure are now in the hands of mental health advocates, spreading the message that honesty is all it took to set me free from illness. I’ve been working through the Brojo course on Building Rapport, which – typically – is giving my assumptions a hiding. I’ve been a consultant in one form or another for much of my professional life, and wore my ability to build rapport like a badge of pride. Well, you know what they say about pride… It turns out that all the while I’ve been great at building professional rapport, I’ve been a bit rubbish in the personal arena, largely due to using my interview techniques as a conversation style. The good news is, now I know what to do about it. It takes practice, but there’s a whole world of people out there.

Hi all. Just wanted to quickly share how I felt after tonight's toastmasters experience, and how nervous, and nerve-racking things like this are for me, still today, after 2 years in the club. And how different I feel to my assumption of everyone else. And even though I am growing there, just how severe my feelings feel.