This is a hard topic… but an important one. There is often a strong link between trauma and suicidal thoughts. Not necessarily because someone wants to die - but because, at times, the nervous system feels overwhelmed by what it is carrying. And this is where an important distinction matters: Thoughts are not the same as intent. Having thoughts like “I can’t do this anymore” or “I want this pain to stop” does not automatically mean someone wants to end their life. Often, it means something else entirely. An analogy that might help: Imagine you are trapped in a dangerous building. There is smoke. It feels overwhelming. Your body is on high alert. What does your brain do? It starts scanning for exits. Every possible way out. Windows. Doors. Fire escapes. Even options you would not normally consider. Not because you truly want to jump out of a window… but because your system is desperately trying to find a way to survive. 💔 Trauma can feel like that building. When the emotional intensity gets too high, the mind can start searching for any possible exit from the pain. Sometimes those “exits” show up as suicidal thoughts. That does not always mean we truly want to die. Often, it means our system is overwhelmed and trying to find relief. You are not “bad” or “broken” for having these thoughts. Thoughts can pass - especially when you are supported and regulated. You do not have to face that intensity alone. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation - it happens in community. If you are struggling right now, please reach out to someone you trust or a crisis support service in your country. You deserve support, safety, and space to breathe. With love, Chris ❤️

One of the most common things I hear in this space is: “Why do I still miss them even though I know it was toxic?” And I want to gently reframe that for you. You’re not missing them in the way you think you are. You are responding to what your nervous system became familiar with. When connection is inconsistent, intense, or emotionally unpredictable, your system can attach to the pattern, not the person. It learns to associate longing, anxiety, and relief with “love,” even when it doesn’t feel good. So when you leave, it’s not just emotional detachment that’s needed, its physiological. That pull you feel? That urge to go back? That mental loop?That’s your nervous system trying to return to what it recognises. This is why healing can feel so confusing. Because you can know something isn’t right… and still feel drawn to it. In this space, we’re not trying to force ourselves to “move on.”We’re learning how to create safety within, so that what’s calm and consistent no longer feels unfamiliar. Curious—have you noticed this in your own experience? Tx

IFS / Parts... Inside each of us lives a family of parts — each trying, in its own way, to protect us and help us survive. When we begin to get to know them, and listen to them with connection, compassion, and an understanding of their role, why they are there and what they need to be unburdened of that role, healing happens from within us. Here is an overview of IFS - if you're interested in learning more ill add a session to the calendar or classroom. Parts work is a big part of my coaching process and im a big Frank Anderson fan. The book No Bad Parts is excellent for learning more too. 💔 The Exile This is the younger, wounded part of us — the inner child who carries the pain and limiting beliefs such as: - I’m not good enough. - I’m unlovable - I’m not worthy - Im not important. These parts hold emotions like shame, sadness, loneliness, and grief. 🛡️ The Managers These are the proactive protectors — the parts that try to keep everything under control so we don’t feel the pain underneath. They try and run the show on a daily basis. They might look like: - the inner critic - perfectionist - planner - people-pleaser - high achiever, caretaker - or even anxiety and procrastination. 🔥 The Firefighters These parts come rushing in when pain gets triggered — when the wound feels too raw. They try to distract or soothe with short-term relief - overworking - numbing out - anger - addictions - bingeing - withdrawal - self harm 🌿 The Core Authentic Self At the core of us all is the Self — the calm, compassionate center that isn’t broken and doesn’t need fixing. The Self is curious, courageous, creative, confident, connected, clear, calm, and compassionate. When we pause and lead from our Self, we can understand, integrate, and heal every part of us. You are not your parts — you are the Self who can love them all back into harmony. Tx💫

When a child is dysregulated, what they need most isn’t distance — it’s connection. Traditional “time out” often focuses on isolation. The child is removed, left alone with big feelings they don’t yet have the tools to process. From the outside, it may look like compliance… but internally, it can create shame, disconnection, or reinforce the belief: “I’m too much” or “I’m bad.” A trauma-informed approach leans into “time in.” Time in doesn’t mean allowing harmful behaviour — it means staying present through it. It looks like sitting nearby, softening your tone, and helping your child name what’s happening inside them. It’s co-regulation before self-regulation. Instead of “go away until you’re calm,” it becomes, “I’m here with you while you find your way back.” Because children don’t learn emotional regulation in isolation — they learn it in relationship. When you choose connection during dysregulation: - You show them their emotions are safe to feel - You model how to move through overwhelm - You build trust instead of fear - You teach, rather than punish This doesn’t mean it’s easy. Staying regulated while your child is not can feel incredibly challenging — especially if it triggers your own nervous system. This is where your awareness becomes the work. Slowing your breath, grounding your body, and responding instead of reacting. Connection is the intervention. Over time, “time in” helps a child develop the internal capacity to pause, reflect, and choose differently. Not because they were forced to — but because they were supported enough to learn how. And that’s the goal. Not obedience. But emotional safety, resilience, and secure attachment. If you haven't checked out my parenting workshop there is a video as well as a PDF on your children's emotions, its in the parenting with a narcissist section but there are somatic trauma informed resources too. Tx

One thing that doesn’t get spoken about enough on the healing path… is the purge. When you begin doing deep shadow work—observing your patterns, your triggers, your behaviours—you’re not just “learning” about yourself… You are changing yourself. And change at this level often comes with a release. Purging is part of ego death. Its what happens when an old version of you begins to dissolve. The jealous part. The controlling part. The “I’m not good enough” belief. The voice that says you’re not smart, not worthy, not safe. These aren’t just thoughts… they’re patterns your nervous system has practiced for years—sometimes decades. So when you start to see them clearly… and choose differently…Something has to move. That movement can look like: – Crying out of nowhere – Deep emotional releases – Feeling nauseous or physically sick – Fasting or losing appetite – Sweating (saunas, heat, detox) – Exhaustion or needing more rest – Old memories surfacing – A strong urge to withdraw and reflect This isn’t you “falling apart.” This is you letting go. Through practices like meditation, journaling, daily self-observation, coaching, and therapy… you begin to witness the parts of you that were created to survive—but are no longer aligned with who you’re becoming. And as you witness without judgment… those parts start to loosen their grip. The purge is the release. The exhale. The clearing. It can feel uncomfortable. Sometimes even scary. But it’s also a sign that your system feels safe enough to let it go. You’re not losing your real self. Your are shedding what was never truly you to begin with. In this space, we honour that process. You don’t have to rush it, and you don’t have to force it. And you definitely don’t have to go through it alone. Hold yourself gently through the release. There is wisdom in what is leaving you. And there is power in who you are becoming. Tx