Here's a not so hot take: Fear (not hate) is the true opposite of love. From a psychological perspective love is closely tied to secure attachment which has the following features: openness, trust, emotional regulation, and the ability to stay connected even when things feel uncomfortable. When we feel loved, the nervous system settles... We are open to listening more easily, we are able to stay open/present instead of pulling away, we can let down the armor that we hold up. Fear,however, activates our threat response (our fight/flight/freeze response). It sends alarm signals saying that something isn't safe. When our brains sense danger (physical or emotional or spiritual), it shifts into protection mode. Why wouldn't it? This is often how this can look relationally: Fight--criticism, anger, hostility (this can look like hate, right?) ; Flight--withdrawal, avoidance, shutting d down; Freeze--numbness, detachment. These type of responses end up being about survival, rather than connection...and these types of responses often lead to disconnection---the very think that people in relationship/friendship don't actually want. So, what can look like coldness, indifference, or even hate is often fear underneath: Fear of rejection/abandonment, fear of vulnerability, fear of losing safety, identity, or control. Fear disrupts the psychological safety that love requires.. So maybe part of love is being able to create a space where another human being doesn't feel the need to protect themselves from us. I love that the Greek language has like 7 different definitions for love. My favorite: Agape (A love that is expressed as a choice and a posture, not just a feeling; Agape is love that seeks the good of another, even when it costs you something). POLL:What most often triggers your emotional “shutdown” in relationships? QUESTIONS TO PONDER:Who in your life helps your heart feel calm, safe, and able to stay open? When you notice yourself shutting down, what is the fear underneath it trying to protect?

I wrote my first letter of hope! I don't know if it's by the rules but I love it! I'll let you know where I felt it✨

❤️ 😍 💖 ❣️ 💕 🌼 🌸 🌻 Many people easily appreciate others but forget themselves. Valentine’s is also about recognizing your strength. You faced obstacles. You learned lessons. You kept going even when nobody saw your effort. You deserve your own respect. Pause and recognize your progress. Fun Question: What is one personal achievement you rarely talk about?

This is something I keep thinking about. We often try to change habits by adding more discipline. We try to push harder, we force the change, and we are stricter with ourselves. But habits are mechanisms in our brain to help it save energy. Once something is wired, it runs on autopilot so we don’t have to think every time. The tricky part is that when we’re stressed or overloaded, our system goes into conservation mode. And in that state, it will default even faster to the old pattern, not because we’re lazy, but because it’s familiar and costs less energy. So the issue when we are trying to change, isn’t that we need more willpower. It's that our system doesn’t have enough capacity to try something different. Before forcing a new behavior, it can help to ask: What’s actually draining my bandwidth right now? Sometimes removing a bit of pressure works better than adding more.

To be intentional is to be in tension. We are all in tension to some degree all the time. What to do with it though.. Often we feel tension in our thoughts a we try processing, rather than allowing. It's interesting how emotions move us. If we allow energy to move without judgement, the tension we fell isn't bad anymore. We may also feel that pressure tenses us up uncomfortably, rather than allowing pressure to form us. We can allow the energy to flow freely by setting the intention and witnessing the flow. The flow of energy is always organic and only finds resistance if something isn't aligned with the good for all. Keep it up, we are all on the journey to the same destination. ONE LOVE 🌍 Jarne 💜