Here's a not so hot take: Fear (not hate) is the true opposite of love. From a psychological perspective love is closely tied to secure attachment which has the following features: openness, trust, emotional regulation, and the ability to stay connected even when things feel uncomfortable. When we feel loved, the nervous system settles... We are open to listening more easily, we are able to stay open/present instead of pulling away, we can let down the armor that we hold up. Fear,however, activates our threat response (our fight/flight/freeze response). It sends alarm signals saying that something isn't safe. When our brains sense danger (physical or emotional or spiritual), it shifts into protection mode. Why wouldn't it? This is often how this can look relationally: Fight--criticism, anger, hostility (this can look like hate, right?) ; Flight--withdrawal, avoidance, shutting d down; Freeze--numbness, detachment. These type of responses end up being about survival, rather than connection...and these types of responses often lead to disconnection---the very think that people in relationship/friendship don't actually want. So, what can look like coldness, indifference, or even hate is often fear underneath: Fear of rejection/abandonment, fear of vulnerability, fear of losing safety, identity, or control. Fear disrupts the psychological safety that love requires.. So maybe part of love is being able to create a space where another human being doesn't feel the need to protect themselves from us. I love that the Greek language has like 7 different definitions for love. My favorite: Agape (A love that is expressed as a choice and a posture, not just a feeling; Agape is love that seeks the good of another, even when it costs you something). POLL:What most often triggers your emotional “shutdown” in relationships? QUESTIONS TO PONDER:Who in your life helps your heart feel calm, safe, and able to stay open? When you notice yourself shutting down, what is the fear underneath it trying to protect?

What are you going to do with what you have? Fumble forward, enthusiastically. Take positive risks. Bet on your gifts. :) Dreaming is beautiful...but dreams only move when you do! Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship. Read that again....Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship!. :) (thanks Denzel) QUESTION TO PONDER: what would falling forward look like for you right now? What are you going to do with what you have? POLL: If you actually treated your dream like a goal this year, what would change first? (I'll post some ACTION ideas in the comment section). :) -------------------------------------------------

If you don't want to read the rest, that's okay, but I reeeeeeally wanna know who your alter ego is! How does it show up? Have you named it? Feel free to add a GIF or a picture to represent it or a comment to expand! :) :) For more, read below! -------------------------------------------------- A lot of people think of alter egos as costumes or a masquerade....something fake, exaggerated, or a hiding of some sort. Buuuuut, psychologically, they're often not that at all. An alter ego is usually a contained expression of a real part of the self, maybe one that doesn’t always feel safe, welcome, or effective in everyday life BUT may feel VERY effective in some circumstances... Alter egos are often created because different situations demand different capacities... Beyonce was the first person that came to mind for this--her alter ego "Sasha Fierce" (bold, fierce, commanding on stage) but there are other examples as well. The idea of courage without overthinking is attractive to me this year. ha. SOoooo much thinking. If you're hesitant, like I was, here's some reassurance..the problem isn’t having an alter ego, but rather having one that runs the show unconsciously. I almost think that "alter-ego" is a misnomer. When used intentionally, the alter ego can provide psychological distance during stress, reduce emotional overlaod by narrowing focus, help bypass fear, shame and people pleasing patterns and act as a bridge between values and action. Used unconsciously, it can become armor that's rigid, isolating, or self-erasing. But here's the thing....coming from someone that appreciates the IFS (internal family systems) model, I like the idea of integrating the different parts rather than having them be polarized/hidden. Being called upon with intention rather than being reactive and causing chaos.Maybe the 'shadow' side comes out when things are more reactive but ultimately, an alter ego would be part of the whole picture. :) An integrated self is a healthy self. Being able to move between states consciously is healthy. It's really about allowing more of the self to come out...intentionally.

The OODA Loop I first heard about this acronym when taking a self defense class and it's something that's stuck with me--I may not always remember the acronym, but I do remember it in practice. Observe, Orient, Decide, Act. That's it. It has some drawbacks but it's used in business, military, sports, self defense and other areas of decision making. OODA describes a cylcle where we observe what’s happening, orient by filtering it through experience and context, decide on a response, and act (then the loop repeats). Most missteps happen in the Orient phase. We have the tendency to rationalize red flags, freeze under social pressure, or default to familiar scripts. Type 1 thinking. Under stress, the brain narrows attention, distorts time, and favors habit over reason. If our orientation is off, every decision downstream is flawed and in some situations this can lead to not so great outcomes. In typical decision-making, improving OODA means challenging assumptions, noticing emotional reactions, and updating mental models instead of defending them. Better choices come from clearer perception. In high-stress contexts (self-defense, emergencies),threats exploit hesitation and confusion. Early recognition and decisive action (even something as simple as creating distance or leaving) can interrupt another person’s OODA loop and collapse their plan before it turns physical. When we encounter someone acting/planning to act with bad intent, they've already moved through parts of their OODA cycle and they are in the preaction phase. Our job is to be aware of potentials and interrupt this process. (vigilance/awareness is different than hypervigilance though--more on this below). OODA isn’t about being fearless or fast. It’s about being harder to manipulate, surprise, or trap psychologically. Whoever adapts first has better control of a moment. *******(A quick note: observation/orientation is NOT the same as hypervigilance)******** Awareness and hypervigilance can look similar as they both involve noticing what’s happening around us. Psychologically, though, they come from very different places and lead to very different outcomes. This is important because how we end up acting as a result matters.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that. " MLK Jr. :) I wanted to share something that @Arthur Maddocks-Brown and @Maxwell Riseman are doing in their communities and that I'd like to put out here for anyone that would also be interested and inspired to do something similar!! In a world of darkness, we can be carriers of some light! :) Be the change you wish to see in the world. Arthur used to volunteer for a charity called Letters of Hope, but unfortunately they closed due to funding issues. BUT, the mission doesn't have to stop and I think that we (and others) can continue it. THE TASK, should you choose to accept it: -Write a handwritten letter of hope as if you're writing to someone you deeply care about, knowing it will be gifted to a complete stranger. -Leave the letter somewhere for someone to find, or, if you're feeling extra brave, hand the letter to a stranger. If you want to post a photo or share about your experience in writing it , please do so in the comment section below! :)