I was caught in a loop. I had unknowingly attached my identity to a character my mind had created.
This "yogi, speaker, educator, leader" was so focused on serving others that he hadn't made space for Self. I realize this character is not completely against Self, nor is it far from my dharma, but its problem is that he felt he had it all figured out.
I am evolving, constantly taking steps toward the being I AM becoming. That version of me who I was portraying was unwilling to shift, and that's when I began to find clarity.
"It is better to strive in one's own dharma (imperfectly) than to succeed in the dharma of another. Nothing is ever lost in following one's own dharma, but competition in another's dharma breeds fear and insecurity." The Gita 3.35
While actively striving down the path of the ego, I ignored the Self and its desires. I hadn't spent much time checking in with Self, and instead, I often performed my daily rituals of yoga, journaling, and meditation as that character who has it all figured out. Then I went about my days acting as that character, interacting with others as that character, and being directed by the senses of that character (who also has a love for all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ).
Having risen today with clarity, I rolled out of bed, landed on my bolster, and asked myself, "What do I desire?"
The character created thoughts and feelings and desired to take action based on those thoughts and feelings, yet all of these drifted by as I sat still and watched the breath. After a while, the voice of the character was subdued by a lack of energy (attention).
In the stillness of the mind and body, I AM able to see clearly what my spirit is leading me toward, what my heart's desires are, and where I AM supported by Source. May my soul, my desires, and my path be aligned with the flow of the Spirit. Ase.