Are you ever fully yourself in a relationship?
A client asked me recently, “If I love my partner, then why am I not happy?”
This question struck me as it goes deeper than love alone.
You see, even when love is there, it can get meshed with our old wounds from the past.
And if those old wounds aren’t healed, then it’s difficult to be who we really want to be in the present.
It’s why you can care deeply for someone and still carry loneliness inside.
It’s why moments of affection can still feel empty.
It’s why being “loved” doesn’t always mean feeling fully seen.
Because love alone doesn't erase patterns we've built over years; patterns of keeping quiet, patterns of keeping small, or patterns of choosing peace over honesty.
Happiness in a relationship isn't just about loving someone, it's about feeling safe to be fully yourself with them.
Without that, love can feel like it’s missing something essential.
And if you've spent a lifetime without breaking the old patterns it will mean that even the warmest love can feel like it's missing something.
Breaking those patterns isn’t easy.
It asks us to risk discomfort, to use our voice when silence feels safer, and to choose truth even when it feels uncertain.
But this is the path to bringing your full self into a relationship.
Because only when you allow yourself to be fully seen can you experience love that feels whole.
Ask yourself if you’re showing up as all of who you are here or are you still living inside the old patterns?
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Ed JC Smith
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Are you ever fully yourself in a relationship?
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