Oh, here I go! 😍 · Spiritual Rebels

Oh, here I go! 😍

This is it, my next step into the depths of vulnerability.

asked: what does it truly mean to love yourself? (https://www.skool.com/spiritual-rebels/what-does-it-truly-mean-to-love-yourself). I felt struck by a knowing that this is how I level up. You know the feeling of knowing you have to throw up? Well, this is coming out of me and I have no control over it at all. It’s like it has come to life of its own. Compared to vomiting, which usually is an unpleasant experience, this is a feeling of an orgasmic soul-expression which can’t be held back and I just do my best to lean back and enjoy surfing these waves.

I started to think of an answer, my answer, and I quickly come to realize that words don’t do love justice. The word love is, just like other words, a construct we have created to be able to communicate with each other and also for the internal mind narrative to make sense of things. I really struggle with using words to express something eternal, which I think most of you can relate to. I believe this is the root to why I marvel and admire music. The ability to put certain words in a specific order to mediate a feeling suspended by specific frequency vibrations. It is truly beautiful how we are able to do this in an infinite of ways. Each with its own personal touch. This is also why I like watching

@I Am Rey

's videos. Imagine that he would, for a whole video, only use the word love to express everything he has to say. This is what I hear, is like he is standing there, writing symbols on his whiteboard and over and over again saying the word love with different tonality; love, love, love, love, love.

Oh, the frustration! How do I express myself?! I want to do it so badly and at the same time it feels totally overwhelming. Getting stuck over and over, redoing and editing. The initial boosting feeling of motivation declines and is replaced by distractions and monkey desires. It feels like this is the hardest thing to do. Will I be misunderstood? Are my words conveying anything of value at all? Well, this does not matter. The goal is to be creative and express in the moment with no thought at all of how it will be received. The work is already in the making, as I write these words pondering these questions. What is the meaning of it all? Should I just delete this text and do something else. No, I am doing this for me, and everyone else. Inspiring to express things that have been repressed by showing how I do it, in real time. The expression process is in the making.

Still, what else do we have as tools to share truths with more accuracy other than words?

Is it even a good idea to start trying to make sense of something that words wrestle to describe? Is it a waste of time maybe? At the same time, I think that love is more real than anything else. I can’t come up with something more stimulating and fun to do. I owe this to love and for everything love does for me. That is, to again give it my best shot at expressing love through aligning words and actions. The action is represented by the actual doing of writing, putting in the time and effort, the motive, and words are my brush and ink which I use to paint this canvas.

So, what is love to me? This; to express from my core being. To remove every layer and expose the most vulnerable part. So what is this part and what makes it vulnerable? It’s quite a simple principle actually. What has never been exposed to stresses and scrutination have never gotten a fair chance to be strengthened. At the same time, I don’t want to be careless about this sensitive beautiful thing. I can’t expose it to the most extreme as a first time and expect it to handle it with out getting hurt in the process. I have to be de judge of how much exposure it can handle, weighing it on the most sensitive of scales, making a loving assessment. I want love to grow, I don’t want to contain it within and not exposing it to risks. It would be an unloving action of me to not put love out there in the ether and only incubate it within. I owe it to love to not let fear of getting hurt obstruct its evolution. I can be smart and careful with love and give it exactly what it needs. I can listen to it and it will tell me what to do, how I do it and why. I love to listen to love.

At times, love can be tricky to recognize even though it’s there. At other times love is tough. Love can be understood much later than when it was first received. It can come as a feeling, a knowing and a being. Love is everything in absence of fear. Even though love and fear are not opposed, this is one point where words fail the translation. Love is an improvisation, and I love to improvise. It’s real and true, it’s here and now. It’s exposing the vulnerable part of the now in time. Love comes with no insurance, it does not work like that. I trust love with all my heart, and this is the reality I want to exist in. Love can be whatever I want it to be. It can be a love-hate relationship. It can be as easy as to breathe. It can be as difficult as following ones own dreams. And the opposite is also true. It can be as difficult as taking a breath and as easy as following ones dreams. Love gives me courage to trust in myself and eases my hindering thoughts of impossibility and makes space for new perspectives. From now on, love is easy and abundant. I see love in everything. I am love, and so are you. Love gives me permission to decide what love is. ❤️

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