Gentlemen, Ladies It is with a mixture of regret, concern, and no small amount of disbelief that I must once again issue a formal communiqué regarding the prolonged absence of His Grace, Lord René — Gentleman-at-Liberty, Of Counsel, and, for reasons still under investigation, Honorary Cultural Attaché to the Danish Realm. As previously noted, His Grace had intended to return to active Society duties this week, including final sign-off on the Elements of a Gentleman curriculum. Unfortunately, that return has been indefinitely postponed, due to what is now being described — even by traditionally neutral Swiss newspapers — as an “escalating international incident.” You will, of course, be aware of the ongoing tensions between the Trump administration and Europe over Greenland. However, few are aware that the origins of the affair lie in a private liaison between His Grace and the Greenlandic Ambassador’s wife during last month’s Reykjavik Energy & Sovereignty Summit. While the exact nature of their interaction remains diplomatically ambiguous, it reportedly involved: - a miscommunicated sauna invitation, - a ceremonial sealskin robe, and - a regrettable misunderstanding regarding personal boundaries. President Trump, upon learning of the affair via unnamed sources (believed to be a disgruntled valet), has reignited his campaign to acquire Greenland, stating publicly that “if the Europeans can’t keep their nobility under control, we’ll buy the whole damn iceberg.” NATO, rather unusually understanding the seriousness of the threat, has mobilised a small joint task force. President Trump has since threatened retaliatory tariffs on European waistcoats and foie gras. His Grace, believed to be lying low in a remote fishing lodge under diplomatic hush, is said to be “reflecting on events,” with access to limited port and no external tailoring services. Until further notice — or until NATO stands down — His Grace will remain unable to fulfil his Society responsibilities. I have therefore been entrusted to continue issuing Sunday dispatches, safeguarding the archive, and keeping the younger members away from the brandy cabinet.