THE "LET THEM" THEORY
I listen to Mel Robbin's podcast which is where I heard about this theory. I received her book for Christmas and have been reading it. I highly recommend it.
Here is a brief summary of the theory:
Let Them is the practice of releasing control over others so you can reclaim control over yourself.
The Let Them Theory — Detailed Breakdown
Let Them Feel What They Feel
- Let them be angry
- Let them be disappointed
- Let them be annoyed
- Let them misunderstand you
➡️ You are not responsible for managing other people’s emotions.
Let Them Think What They Think
- Let them judge
- Let them gossip
- Let them assume
- Let them have opinions you disagree with
➡️ Other people’s thoughts do not define you.
Let Them React How They React
- Let them overreact
- Let them withdraw
- Let them complain
- Let them act immaturely
➡️ Their reaction is information, not an emergency.
Let Them Make Their Own Choices
- Let them make mistakes
- Let them choose differently than you would
- Let them repeat unhealthy patterns
➡️ You cannot rescue people from the consequences of their own decisions.
Let Them Disapprove of You
- Let them be unhappy with your boundary
- Let them not like your decision
- Let them be uncomfortable with your growth
➡️ Discomfort does not mean you’re wrong.
Let Them Be Who They Are
- Believe patterns, not promises
- Stop expecting people to become who you wish they were
➡️ Acceptance brings clarity and peace.
The Second (Critical) Half: Let Me
This is what gives you your power back.
Let Me Choose My Response
- You don’t have to explain, defend, or argue
- You get to pause and respond calmly
Let Me Protect My Energy
- Step back emotionally
- Stop over-engaging
- Stop chasing validation
Let Me Set Boundaries Without Guilt
- You can say no
- You can disengage
- You can limit access
➡️ Boundaries don’t require permission.
Let Me Focus on What I Can Control
- My actions
- My words
- My values
- My next step
➡️ Control creates peace; obsession creates suffering.
Let Me Move Forward
- Stop replaying conversations
- Stop waiting for closure
- Stop needing agreement
➡️ Closure is a decision, not a conversation.
What the Let Them Theory Is NOT
❌ It is not approval
❌ It is not passivity
❌ It is not avoidance
❌ It is not staying in unsafe or abusive situations
✔️ It is emotional detachment with self-respect
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THE "LET THEM" THEORY
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