Living in Europe is Paradise. · Society of Ordinary Gentlemen

4d (edited) • Deep Thoughts for Living 🧠

Living in Europe is Paradise.

Dear members, this is an article I just read on X. It perfectly depicts Europe and how 99.9% Europeans live and think.

You wake up at 6:57 AM and hear your three roommates are already up. The apartment is 41 square meters and the walls are thin. Even though you're 38 years old, you like living with other people. "Imagine being alone in a soulless American suburb," you always tell yourself.

You grab your phone and start scrolling Twitter in bed. Someone posts that the EU is considering a ban on US social media platforms over data privacy concerns. You feel a pleasant warmth running through your body as you type a reply: "Good. We should ban them all and use only European apps."

You close Twitter and proceed to check Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp, and Snapchat.

You get up and go to the kitchen. Your roommate Lars has already made you a cappuccino. "Is the milk organic?" you ask. He confirms with a gentle nod.

You grab a paper cup from the stack by the sink. The four of you switched from ceramic mugs last year. Paper is easier to recycle, and being climate conscious is no longer a personal choice but an EU requirement. The fines for improper waste sorting start at €1,000.

Lars is reading news on his iPhone about the EU blocking another big tech merger. "Nice..." you mutter under your breath. This is why Europe leads, democracy still means something here.

You drink your coffee standing up. There's no room for a table.

You leave for work at 7:45 AM. You live in Lelystad, five towns north of Amsterdam. You moved here two years ago after your landlord raised rent by 50%. It feels far, but European public transport is fantastic - it only takes 40 minutes, plus a 10-minute walk to the station.

You see the train arrives in 4 minutes. You feel a swell of pride. "Try doing this in Los Angeles," you whisper to no one.

The doors open. You step in. Nowhere to sit, of course, as usual on the 8:03 to Centrum. You grab the pole, place your backpack between your feet. Almost the entire car is filled with immigrant families and their screaming kids. You do quick mental math for fun: each mother seems to have on average seven children. You're quietly happy there are so many of them - these kids are the future generation of Europe, filling the continent with life.

You look outside. It's still dark. "Netherlands in winter is so beautiful" you whisper to the passenger next to you. "Sorry habibi, I don't speak Dutch," he responds.

As the train approaches Amsterdam Central, a dark-skinned teenager three rows back starts playing violent rap music through a Bluetooth speaker. You take a deep breath, close your eyes, and nod softly to the beat. You think about obese Americans sitting alone in their large SUVs, stuck in highway traffic. "Thank God I was born on the right continent," you mumble to yourself.

You arrive at your office. First things first, you need a coffee. The machine has been broken for months, but there's a form to report it. You fill it out and immediately feel a small sense of accomplishment. You have an instinct for proper procedure.

You head to your first meeting at 10 AM. Halfway there, your boss texts you: "Bus drivers are on strike again, I'll be late." Not a problem, you think. You wholeheartedly support all workers' rights.

You sit back down at your desk and open LinkedIn. Might as well be productive. You scroll past a few posts and see your university friend Marcus, who moved to San Francisco, announcing he just raised $15M for his startup. He's hiring engineers - $200k base salary plus equity. You look at that vulgar number and feel disgusted. No engineer should earn that much. It's obscene. You scroll past before it ruins your morning.

You see a post about Tesla releasing its new Model 3. You share it immediately and comment: "Overhyped American junk from a failing company. Europe is already building better EVs."

You take a deep breath, open incognito mode, and ask ChatGPT: "Can I afford a Tesla with 35k salary."

Your boss is still not here, so time for an early lunch, it's 11:30 AM after all. You and your colleague Henrik head to a nearby café. "I love that we can just walk everywhere," Henrik says. "Try doing this in Texas," you reply, laughing.

A group of eight teenagers in puffer jackets riding electric scooters fly past and clip your elbow. They laugh and yell at you in what you're pretty sure is Arabic. "Kids, am I right?" you say to Henrik.

At the café, you order a croque monsieur and a small coffee. €33.80, cash only. The portion is modest. You think about American restaurants and their disgusting massive plates. No wonder they're obese.

You discuss summer plans. Henrik is taking seven weeks off in July and August. You're doing six weeks in June. You share a wonderful laugh about Americans who only get two weeks and often don't even take them. You complain that your manager wants the team in the office two days a week now. "Toxic American mindset," Henrik says. You agree. Trust is the foundation of European work culture.

You notice someone at the table next to yours is working on a laptop. You feel disgust and secondhand embarrassment. "Must be an American," Henrik hisses.

You glance at your watch. 3 PM already. You've been at lunch for three and a half hours. "We should probably head back," you say. Henrik reluctantly agrees. It's getting dark outside already.

The bill arrives. You pull out a calculator to make sure the bill is split accurately. You owe €33.80, Henrik owes €34.70. You transfer each other the difference and leave no tip.

Back at the office, the first and last meeting of the day. Your company is trying to expand to Belgium. This requires updating your GDPR compliance documentation, registering with local data protection authorities, and adjusting cookie consent banners for regional requirements. You estimate the process will take eight months.

Someone mentions that your biggest American competitor launched there last week. They just used Google Translate. "Amerikanische Cowboys," you shake your head in disbelief.

You head home at 4:01 PM. On the way, you stop by the doctor's office. Your shoulder has been bothering you for weeks. You register at the front desk and take a seat. The waiting room is packed. At 6:51 PM, after a two-and-a-half-hour wait, the doctor finally calls you in. He doesn't examine you, just types something into the computer. "Let's get an MRI done," he says. 6:57 PM, the visit is over. You book an MRI at the front desk. The earliest available slot is in eight months. You take it.

You head back to the train station at 7:15 PM. As you walk, a shiver runs down your spine thinking about how terrible it must be to live in a country with no universal healthcare.

On the train home, you swipe through Tinder out of boredom. You see an obese American tourist who is "fluent in sarcasm" in her bio. "We need to close the borders to Americans," you think to yourself as you swipe left. You match with a Dutch girl named Johanna. She suggests a walk in the park for your first date. You feel butterflies in your stomach. There's nothing sexier than a woman who doesn't expect you to spend money.

You get back to the apartment at 8:36 PM. No one's home. You microwave some frozen vegetables and leftover rice. You eat standing over the sink. You're happy to eat real food, not the processed garbage Americans put in their bodies.

Your phone buzzes. A bank notification, your salary arrived. €2,300. "That can't be right," you mumble to yourself. Your tax rate is nearly 60%. You open your laptop and check the payslip line by line. It all adds up. No mistake. You still feel like it's too much. You open a government portal and donate €100 to a refugee relief fund. You immediately feel lighter.

You open Netflix to relax. You watch a documentary about high-earning corporate Americans in New York. You pull up your blanket and smile. "Couldn't be me," you mutter.

Your phone buzzes again. It's a group chat with your friends. Someone suggests planning a spring trip. Destinations are flying around. Barcelona. Lisbon. Rome. Your best friend Jacob types: "Miami could be fun." You block him and leave the group.

It's 11:30 PM. You should sleep, but instead you scroll through property listings in bed. "Would be nice to buy a home someday," you whisper to yourself quietly. You see a great apartment half an hour from Amsterdam - €575,000 for 52 square meters. You eagerly calculate the mortgage. You'd need to make six times your current salary to afford it. You turn off your phone and stare at the ceiling.

You close your eyes.

Living in Europe is paradise.

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