In my life, faith and trust in self and in the source of creation came online first.
I have always had a very internal world. [Hearing impairment and sensory issues caused developmental delays in early life]
I understood faith differently than those around me. It was always there, always proving its existence to me. It was the one thing I could rely on.
This truth came before words.
For me these were not invisible concepts. There was concrete proof as potent and undeniable as gravity that we are connected to something bigger than ourselves.
I understood spirit as anti gravity.
faith and trust were a natural byproduct of a real connection with the unseen world.
Life itself, was the proof. A mathematical improbability, and yet... we are here.
What some saw in me, had them assuming that I was limited, that I had no mental capacity. I had an "active imagination" they said... "don't talk about such things, they will take you away and experiment on you!"
I knew differently.
My twin, knew differently.
Later, we found i had an advanced intelligence.
I was absorbing enough context to understand before I spoke.
Not slow, but right on time.
In second grade I read every book in my school library. When they capped my access to books past 6th grade my mother advocated for me. She fought with who ever she needed to fight with to unlock those bars.
I remember she said...
"Special has to mean something and for it to mean something you have to let evolution do its work. It won't come all at once, but how dare you limit a child's dreams! She might save your life one day. None of us can know what she is capable of... don't you think we should let her try?!"
I don't speak of it much even today.
There was evidence that supported my family's fears. My difference frightened them. Things i would say that were later true... frightened them. Telling them what ancestors would say when I never met them... with accuracy... frightened them.
But truth didn't require compliance to exist for me.
My relationship to divine truth was and is my foundation. I was able to access states of awareness and expanded consciousness as my native mode.
And when I tried to speak of these things, people told me I was wrong.
Church removed me when I questioned their teaching.
My belief, didn't require their guidance.
And too much independent thought in that space barred access. Why?
Power loses it's control when it belongs to everyone.
So they removed me...
for the great offense of pointing out how they were gatekeeping divinity for a select few.
I stated that God was for everyone, not only those born where you live. Not only those taught what you were taught. Not only those who look like you, think like you, act like you. God doesn't need your belief or your worship to exist. If God made the whole world and all life how can you believe in "othering" at all? Terrible crimes against humanity committed in the name of God. I only want to understand.
But I was 8 so they preferred to think I was a "bad seed". But I saw their limitations, not a flaw in my design.
To me, it was undeniable. So I kept observing.
My first mantra...
"Curiosity will lead to understanding the people who don't understand the way i do"
The silence was my first safety.
Integration of my physical life and body did not remove access to my memory or the miracles of existence I've witnessed.
It gave me additional validation points.
I never forgot. I just learned not to question someone else's reality unless they asked me to.
It's truer than love. Deeper than knowledge. Disconnection is the real illusion. Always has been.
We've heard this elsewhere but what did it mean?
As i grew, there were many challenges.
How could I prove this? I wanted to know. Why? People baffled me. I am a person. Why am I different?
Am I different? Is that purposeful?
We are the same... and we are different.
One truth didn't cancel the other.
More observation of the natural world confirms. Bumblebees should not be able to fly but they do. Why?
✨️No one told them they couldn't.
Religious institutions where most people found divine connection had limitations and biases. Most encouraged blind devotion.
But closed eyes can't see.
I found that those who wanted to bypass physicality entirely were missing half of the picture.
If we deny conflict or change we can not grow. Nature once again validates. An acorn when burned releases its seed and becomes a tree.
A butterfly must dissolve into goo and fight to get out of the crystallis... if you remove its struggle, it fails to thrive, it can't fly and it dies.
A dragonfly starts as a water creature and one day follows a call to climb... when it gets to the top of the stalk the sun bakes its exoskeleton and an entire new body bursts out of its own skin and becomes an entirely different animal... whole and flying.
Faith... is a practice... of belief without evidence. We often associate this with spiritual understanding.
Spirit/divinity/god/universe/Frequency Different names for the same understanding.
Trust... is a practice of belief with some evidence. We associate this with science.
It allows for movement through doubt and opposition.
Awareness tells us...
All of it matters... and we are here for a blip of time. None of it is wasted.
What you do with it and how you choose to see it, it's completely up to you.
Perfection was never required, only participation.
A life, however brief, however long... however difficult, however easy, any which way at all... matters.
It's up to you what you do with it. There are no wrong roads.