Yet another mixed weekend · Marriage Recovery Community

Yet another mixed weekend

Good afternoon all

Well, yet another mixed weekend for me

I had a really bad day on Thursday and struggled mentally and emotionally. I hardly got any sleep and I still don’t know how I got through Friday.

But whilst I was struggling to sleep, I was thinking to myself I can’t keep doing this. I need to be better. I need to stop breaking and crumbling and saying the same things over and over again to her.

So on Friday, there was from us there wasn’t any need and I got them with my Day forgot about everything as best as I could then knowing Saturday I had my children and I saw her and we were absolutely fine and I was as normal as I can be and I had on Saturday

Come Sunday when I took the kids back home my plan was not to stay. It was to drop them off. Have a quick chat with her and be on my way however as soon as she knew that I wasn’t staying her mood flipped like a light switch and she went. Very short and with a tone to me now I’m not saying she wanted me to stay or anything like that later on she messaged me to say she was just having a bad day.

But from all of that I ended up doing what I do best currently and breaking down yet again albeit no tears this time that’s saying the same things that I can be this man I can do that etc etc.

But they’re not ultimately affected my mood once again and I felt that this time it was not instigated or anything that I had done, but I’m the one that now comes across and looks portrayed in a bad light

She said I hadn’t done anything wrong and everything was fine this morning, Monday but once again we ended up getting onto the same subjects and she even said it was going so well but here we are again but then we both tried to shut it down and she said let’s stop now before we ruin it.

But today my mental day has been absolutely all I’ve hardly done any work and I’ve broken many times in my Work toilet

I’m just struggling so bad to keep it together when I’m deep down I feel that I know that my marriage is completely over and I don’t think no matter what she’ll ever give me the chance but yet she won’t tell me that it’s officially over because I feel that whilst in the current situation I’m still paying towards the house and it’s financially stable for her the kids me and everything is hunky-dory because as soon as says that there is no hope whatsoever she knows it’s going to be a lot more pain in terms of having to sell houses or sort mortgages out.

Just frustrating when you feel that you’re doing okay only to then yet have another wobble and feel that you’ve fallen down to the bottom of the ladder

I just want her to believe me when I say I will be the better man going forward and I won’t be who I was but I don’t think she ever will this morning. She even said she wants a man that helps her around the house loves her and cares for her and makes her feel special on her special days like Mother’s Day and birthday.

And that hurt me a little bit because it’s making out from her mind and in her head that I never did any of that when I did I got lazy on certain things but I always loved her and cared for her. Maybe I didn’t show her enough and that’s where I said she’s high maintenance which she disagreed with because my wife does need to be told or showing every day how cared for a love she is.

I said to her, I don’t think you would ever find a man willing to be that every day like I know I can be it would soon fizzle and fade and be no better than what you had now

6 comments

Yet another mixed weekend