So tonight I dropped my granddaughters car seat off after work as my wife needed it for tomorrow mornings drop off. Was barely any eye contact from her, but it was still a nice evening giving my oldest son his birthday presents, and we were all there and enjoyed the occasion, albeit I was on limited time in the sense that I was trying to just be there for the kids and get out the door as I had done everything I had set out to do with them. Then came “would you like to stay for dinner?” I hesitated…but then said I’d really love that, so I stayed. My wife and I ate in the garden together without the kids in earshot, and we spoke just about general stuff, the usual day to day. We laughed and we smiled at each other as if we both knew what was coming, and that was the chat about us…I said I was working on myself to be a better version of myself, and that work was great, therapy was going well and I mentioned I was really pushing myself to learn how to be a more accountable person and learn from my lessons. My youngest was out in the garden and we really didn’t have that deep a chat, but as I left I said “look, I respect your boundaries and the need for you to protect yourself, but you need to know that I am in love with you, infatuated by you and I still want you” left it at that, thanked her for dinner and left. Not gonna lie, I cried all the way home because of the pain I’m still experiencing. But felt like I managed to say what’s been on my mind and lift a weight, although in the flip side, I know on reflection how much pressure that may have put on her. But she was smiling when I left so I’ll take it as a positive for now. I’m not going to bring “us” up in any conversation and let her lead on that side, I’ve said my piece. There is so much messaging about the kids at the moment it is starting to feel overwhelming in that we are talking and getting on that knowing I can’t overstep those boundaries to move us on. Patience is a killer boys….and I have very little of it. But as my wife said tonight it’s still so raw, and has only been 5 weeks…..

Hey chaps, not sure if this resonates with anyone. Today I picked my children up, was really looking forward to seeing them and obviously my wife too. We were chatting, but there was something not quite right. Then it hit me…she’d taken her wedding ring off…so I said, I’ve noticed that you’d taken it off and she just smiled and said “we are separated, but there’s no ulterior motive” so in the moment, I removed mine and gave it to her and she said “do you want me to look after it for you?” I said do what you like with it…after I dropped the kids off I cried all the way home. I’ve got to say I’m really struggling with my mental health anyway and this has added to the pain and not helped me on my journey to repairing myself…it just feels like it’s 5 steps forward, 10 back at the moment. Sorry to vent but I’ve got no one else to talk to at the moment…

Hi guys, hope everyone is doing well. Yesterday, out the blue, I had a message from my wife telling me a parcel had been delivered to our home. It was unusual because I’ve had parcels delivered during our separation before and not heard from her. We exchanged texts about the kids which was fine. Then after work completely unexpected, she rang, she was with all the kids planning our son’s birthday. She was talking to me like nothing had happened, was her usual self. I later messaged her saying was lovely to hear her voice and that I was grateful for the call. But had nothing from her in response, just more details about the kids. Today I had therapy for an hour and cried all the way through it, I felt and still feel like I’ve gone backwards. The therapy taught me some coping strategies, but still feeling overwhelmed with irrational thoughts of what it all meant, as she hasn’t initiated any contact in over a month. Not sure what to do or think at the moment.

Hello chaps. Having a bad day today! Finding I’m replaying everything that’s happened over the last 3 weeks, which is really grinding me down. At the weekend, my wife and I agreed to tell our younger children (13 and 8 year old) that we are living separately to make sure that everyone stays happy, that I was staying at their uncle’s house. We both stayed strong during that conversation, but afterwards the reality hit me, and it’s felt like another huge loss, not being able to see them everyday is truly devastating. I felt I’d moved forwards with my emotions, but I’ve definitely gone backwards and feel like I’m starting all over again. My wife is carrying on like nothing has happened, or she’s just putting on a brave face, I don’t know. I have been doing the same, especially when in her company. Every time I leave the house, I just feel broken. Sorry to vent.

Good morning everyone!! I hope everyone is doing ok today. I just wanted to share a small step I completed today which was my first therapy session with Talk Plus. I’m on my journey of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). The session went well, I was confronted with some hard questions to answer. We started at the very beginning, talked through childhood, what did I think had led me to where I am today to be taking therapy and what I wanted. To achieve. I said my main aim is to become happy again and that my separation had highlighted some underlying issues that had put me in the position I’m in. I left the call after an hour, afterwards I realised that I had been answering the questions and reasons as to why my marriage had gotten to the state it’s in currently. This gave me encouragement that I now understood some of the core reasons. It was the first of at least 6 sessions, I’ll continue with it longer than this to ensure that I have the right support and tools to help me with creating a positive, happier person which in time will hopefully go to fixing parts of my marriage and keep me aware of some of the factors that contributed to it failing. I can honestly say today is the best I’ve felt since the separation. If any of you chaps are feeling low, anxious or suffering with depression, I would encourage the same for you, it helps to talk. Speak soon lads, and try and have a positive day!