Think I’ve hit the rock bottom - it can only get better from here now can’t it

After everyone

So I think I could get any lower than I am now all my situation any worse.

I’m eight weeks in and it’s been a very up-and-down eight weeks. We’ve had some okay days we’ve had some good days. We’ve had some very bad days.

However, this past week I have really struggled mentally and emotionally. Everything came to head on Thursday. I was at work, working from home and I just crumbled I didn’t want to be here anymore and so I phoned this Samaritans reached out to them broke down and explained. I have nothing so what’s the point of carrying on?

I would never ever do that and take my because at the end of the day I lose too much but the main reason is I’m too weak and a coward to even do anything like that

But I was broken I just didn’t wanna be here

My wife came home that evening and we were talking normal. It was going okay and then it was time for me to leave the house. She said goodbye which I fully heard but I was going out into the Hall to get my bits and I was coming back stupidly I should’ve just said I’ll be back in a second or acknowledge that but I didn’t. She then thought I was ignoring her because whilst I was out in my hallway, she shouted again goodbye answer because I didn’t hear she then got those irate and said why am I ignoring her? And which of course I wasn’t intentionally.

I then just broke did go back into my old ways. I used to have a bit of a temper problem. I guess I still do. My son was also around. I will never forgive myself for doing all of this in front of him. I lashed out kicking the wall kicking a stair gate and punching the door multiple times. I then just sank to the floor and broke down crying shaking saying I just want my wife. I just want my wife.

I don’t know why this week has been so hard. I think the previous week I was away and didn’t see my wife for a week and then coming home to a real reality that I don’t wanna face and it’s just been harder and harder every day where it eventually finally got to me and I just absolutely as I said

I saw the doctor on Friday and has been prescribed antidepressant and been signed off through depression, but now I have tarnished whatever ever hope I probably had to save my marriage

I had a great support network around me thankfully from my own family and even my in-laws me and the wife haven’t really spoken since that night but when I take the kids back today will be the first apologise for my actions and behaviour

I know whatever hope I had not that there was much hope has now gone. I hope in time she can forgive me. I can continue now to grow myself rebuild do the changes and everything that I was prior and hope that we can rekindle and save our marriage but deep down, I think I know that it’s over for good

I will never ever give up and I will show her that I can be and not be the man that I was prior to our separating I think this Day was always coming for me. I’ve struggled since day one. Through a fake smile and I just haven’t been myself I was always going to break so I guess it’s better to do it sooner rather than later.

She does know that this is not the real me and she knows that I am in great pain heartbreak and struggling 2026 is going to be a year for sure that I never ever wanna remember

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Think I’ve hit the rock bottom - it can only get better from here now can’t it