Tips For Engaging The Avoidant Spouse · Marital Crossroads To Clarity

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Tips For Engaging The Avoidant Spouse

You keep trying to reach him. He keeps pulling back. And the more you reach, the further he keeps pulling back. This goes BOTH ways too! You keep trying to reach her. She keeps pulling back....

If this resonates with you then stay tuned, because this week I'm bringing you FOUR practical shifts you can implement.

Here's what I've learned — both in my own marriage through some of the hardest years of our lives, and through coaching spouses navigating the same wall of silence:

Avoidance in a husband (or wife) is RARELY about you. It usually means they are processing something he doesn't yet have words for. The cave, as John Gray describes it, is a biological need — not a rejection.

So instead of trying to break through the wall, try this practical shift.

PRACTICAL SHIFT 1/4: "Check in before you crash in."

Ever been totally engrossed in a movie, and someone starts talking to you in the middle of it? I sure don't likes it when that happens. Stick with me on this.

Ask "is now a good time to talk?" before diving in.

It sounds too simple to matter — but it completely changes the dynamic.

You're no longer gate-crashing the mental movie he's got going on in that moment.

You're asking for permission to be let in. That small act signals safety.

Oh - and if he says "no, not really" - try this follow up question: "No worries. How about [insert time] [this afternooon/evening - whatever applies]." Just give an option and one will be selected. 😀

Let me know in the comments if this tip helped! If it for whatever reason it doesn't land with you - I've got three more coming this week.

This is about building up your toolbox and experimenting to find what works.

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Tips For Engaging The Avoidant Spouse