[Roast the copy]-->Update: Campaign ended, thanks for all input

Roger Roland

30d (edited) • Copywriting ✍️

This is a web developer doing a cold email campaign to plumbers--tear it up!

Can you write better copy for this?

----------------------------------------TWO VERSIONS ----------------------------------------

VERSION 1 ----------------------------------------

Hi Johnny,

Your website visitors aren't calling you.

They're visiting, looking around, then leaving to call your competitor instead.

Last month, I fixed this exact problem for another plumber and added $5,564 to their bottom line. Same issues you're dealing with.

I'll analyze your site for free and show you the specific problems that are costing you 3-5 jobs monthly.

If my fixes don't pay for themselves in 60 days, you don't pay.

Ready to turn your website into your best sales rep?

James CEO [[Company]]

VERSION 2 ----------------------------------------

Hello Johnny,

What are you going to do with the new booked appointments for [[Brand x]] Plumbing and how are you going to keep up?

That's what you'll be asking yourself after you use our services to turn your website into your best sales person, working for you 24/7, every day of the year. To show you how, I'm offering a complimentary detailed analysis of your site (with actionable fixes).

I work with another plumber similar to you and we just added $5,564 last month to their bottom line. The way you are set up, I feel you are leaving at least 3-5 jobs per month of new business on the table.

I guarantee our services will pay for themselves in new business within the first 60 days or you don't pay.

Let's talk

Sincerely,

James W.

CEO [[Company]]

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