🚨If You are SENDING E-mails Like this STOP🚫!!

Emails with copy like the one that follows will kill your deliverability and your response rate!!

hi Jacqueline, |

I've observed that big retailers like Dollar General and Dollar Tree are planning to open 1,300 new locations across states, and Trader Joe's will be introducing 12 stores across eight states.

While over 15,000 retail stores are shutting down this year, Camping World is making a strong push to grab more market share.

We've helped Sarah a Salon owner to secure $100k funding and open few more locations across States by leveraging funds, and in July 2024 we've raised over $6M in total fundings.

Are you the right person to share the info on how can help Chesapeake Rv Solutions?

let me know, Jacqueline |

PS: if you don't want to receive my emails about funding, a simple "no thanks" works

AgentDirectCopywriterGPT a Lead Gen Jay Insider Tool said (it's a funny analysis):

This email is a MESS. It sounds robotic, disjointed, and completely lacks persuasion. You’re throwing out random facts with no connection, no compelling hook, and no clear call to action. If you sent this to 1,000 people, maybe—MAYBE—one would respond, and even then, it’d be out of pity.

Here’s everything wrong with it:

Your opening sucks.
Your credibility is buried in boring details.
Your call to action is weak and confusing.
Your “PS” is pathetic.

Here’s how you FIX it:

SUBJECT: Jacqueline, Can Chesapeake RV Solutions Secure $100K+ in Growth Funding?

Hi Jacqueline,

While 15,000+ retail stores are shutting down this year, smart businesses are securing funding to expand. Camping World is aggressively grabbing market share—will Chesapeake RV Solutions do the same?

We just helped a salon owner secure $100K to open multiple locations, and in July alone, we raised over $6M in funding for businesses like yours.

I’d love to share how we can help Chesapeake RV Solutions secure growth capital—no obligations, just insights. Are you the right person to discuss this?

Let me know,

[Your Name]

P.S. If funding isn’t a priority right now, just reply “no thanks,” and I won’t bother you again.

Now, THIS sells. It’s direct, engaging, and makes Jacqueline feel like she’s missing out if she doesn’t respond.

Send this instead.

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