Cold email sequence critique (DTC apparel ecom, service offer)

Hey guys, just finished a copy sequence, which I'm planning to launch soon, but I'd love a sharp feedback from anyone actively running cold email for agencies or selling services in ecom first.

ICP: DTC Apparel ecommerce brands in the $1-$10M ARR range using shopify

What I'm selling: Email lifecycle system for DTC apparel (capture - welcome - flows - campaigns)

Email 1

sl: quick question about {{CompanyName}}’s first visit

{{FirstName}},

Quick q: {{observation}} (e.g. “on {{CompanyName}}, the first thing I see is an email capture that doesn’t give first-time visitors a clear reason to opt in.”)

Is that intentional for first-time visitors?

Email 2

sl: first-visit capture vs paid retargeting

{{FirstName}},

Reason I’m asking: for apparel, the first session is usually the cheapest moment to turn paid visits into owned audience.

If visitors leave without opting in, you’re mostly relying on retargeting (more spend) for a second shot.

Are you optimizing more for brand-clean UX, or higher first-visit capture at the moment?

Email 3

sl: 15–25% of first-time visitors opt in

{{FirstName}},

We helped one apparel brand tighten first-visit capture, pushing popup signups into the ~15–25 percent range.

Over the same window, email-attributed revenue stayed consistently strong month to month (Klaviyo tracking), and total monthly revenue grew from ~5.8k usd to ~21.1k usd across 4 months.

Want me to send a 2-min Loom showing the 3 changes?

Email 4

sl: paying twice for the same visitor

{{FirstName}},

If you’re happy with current capture, ignore me.

When visitors leave without opting in, you’re paying to acquire that attention again.

That’s why {{CompanyName}} stood out when I checked the first-visit experience.

If it’s not a priority at the moment, totally fine.

If it is, I can send a quick teardown + the exact popup/welcome setup we’d test first.

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