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26d • Relational Health 💕
💕Build Strong Relationships 💕 (Gottman Style)
Bias: We are meant for connection. For relationship. To see and be seen. These relationships do not have to be romantic in nature, but connection keeps us alive.
Below is an image of The Sound Relationship House--Built by the Gottmans. The Gottmans are known for their very extensive research on couples --research on marital stability and divorce prediction. The Sound Relationship House (SRH) is a model for building strong and lasting relationships. The different layers of the home represent the different aspects of a successful relationship.
Over time, I plan on breaking down each of the levels more in depth (and each of the components within the levels will require further exploration as well) , but this is a brief overview of each of the levels.
🏠 The Sound Relationship House (SRH)
1. Bottom Floor: BUILD LOVE MAPS 🗺️❤️
- Know each other’s inner world: needs, values, past experiences, priorities, stresses
- Keep love maps updated as partners evolve
- Ask open-ended questions to stay connected
2️⃣ SHARE FONDNESS AND ADMIRATION 🌸💌
- Express appreciation often
- Build emotional bank account with love and admiration
- Feel loved and admired consistently
3️⃣ TURNING TOWARDS VS. AWAY 🔄💞
- Notice small bids for attention and connection
- Turn towards your partner most of the time
- These floors build friendship, intimacy, and passion
4️⃣ POSITIVE PERSPECTIVE 🌞💭
- Focus on positive sentiments over occasional negative behaviors
- Strong friendship + good conflict management = positive perspective
- Not directly worked on but influenced by lower floors
5️⃣ MANAGE CONFLICT ⚖️🔥Six key skills:
- Softened start-up: “I feel…” instead of blaming
- Accept influence: compromise and respect each other’s opinions
- Make repairs: fix conversation before it spirals
- De-escalate quarrels: calm the Four Horsemen dynamics
- Self-soothe: take a break to calm down
- Process & recover: bounce back after a fight
6️⃣ MAKE LIFE DREAMS COME TRUE 🌟🎯
- Honor each other’s dreams, hopes, and aspirations
- Share core dreams to resolve gridlocks
- Top floor that touches the heart of each partner
7️⃣ CREATE SHARED MEANING 🌍✨
- Discuss values, purpose, legacies
- Some overlap in beliefs helps, but open conversation matters most
- Relies on strong Love Maps – SRH is more like a bagel than a pyramid
The Walls: TRUST & COMMITMENT 🧱💖
TRUST 🤝
- Be there for your partner through highs, lows, victories, and struggles
- Show up consistently, even imperfectly
COMMITMENT 🔒
- Cherish your partner above all others
- Life-long devotion, with or without legal marriage
- Protects relationship from fear of replacement
💬 Question to ponder: Which floor do you think your relationship could strengthen the most today?
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💕Build Strong Relationships 💕 (Gottman Style)
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