I have to start off by saying that after I did the Day 8 meditation for the Divine Mother, so many old memories and names resurfaced that I really started to feel the pull of the strong human desire to resume old patterns, habits, beliefs, stories, and so on. In this point of the challenge, I am really feeling the tug of war between old and new. I am not sure how well I am managing that tension. All I am doing so far is acknowledging everything that is coming up within, being curious about it and trying to minimize my resistance to it, which is temporarily pulling me through old habits. For me, it’s feeling the like the journey is transitioning from taking notes, journaling, going within, understanding, and the feedback loop of it all, to primarily being drawn inward (withdrawing so to say) and being faced this “battleground” to wade through tension and continue reaffirming a new magnetic version self (again, I’m not sure how well it’s going!). Aaron AI is helping me here when it says I can tell myself, “Ah, of course this part of me wants to go back. That’s what it knows.” Also acknowledging, “Is this little me? Is this the hyperindepdent, invisible one who feels unsafe and doesn’t want to be seen or exposed?” And then, “This discomfort is evidence that I’m becoming someone new. The tension between old and new is actually leverage which I can choose to use to catapult me into the new.” AI says that when the pull to the old is strong, ambiguity is its friend, and rather than be reactive and resistant, I can breathe, be grounded, be responsive, ask for help from the guides, and then choose small, specific ways to build up the new version of me. So what became of the Divine Mother? There were several childhood memories that have been impacting my sexuality for a long time. These are memories that I have never been able to feel safe telling anyone and yet have basically haunted me over the years by once in a while affirming old core beliefs. They distorted my understanding of how love actually manifests or feels between people. I would have grand difficulty with accepting compliments while at the same time yearning for validation as a ray of hope to disprove old beliefs. I would feel confused when receiving Christmas gifts; I would see the gifts as ceremonial obligations and politeness but not accept any possibility of loving intention behind those gifts. I would reject the version of love my mother showed me. This meditation left me looking into the past the entire rest of the day, connecting dots between key memories, and then redefining associated stories and beliefs based on the work I’d done with the inner child on Day 7. The big takeaway I got was to be more trusting of the universe and permit myself to be fully receptive to the universe’s blessings.

I heard that it’s okay to fall asleep during meditations from time to time, so luckily I was not alarmed or disappointed when falling asleep during today’s Zoom! It seems like the common thread between falling asleep after the breathwork in Sedona and the meditation today was that both events spent time connecting to my inner child. I believe there is something to that, though I can only guess for now why that is. I imagine my inner child struggled to feel safe, soothed, or nurtured across different age points and life stages? Did he have a hard time sleeping soundly back then? Is the neurological triggering of sleep a limbic defense mechanism or a healing modality? Though these questions are asked in the interest of understanding, in the end I believe the intentions I set forth and the willingness to change and become anew are more important. The outcomes/results will then work themselves out, hopefully to my advantage. Thanks to anyone who read this far :)

If you believe something is missing within you, you can spend your entire life searching outside yourself for it.

Some people spend years trying to fix everyone around them without ever checking themselves. Others call it personality when it’s actually an old wound with an excellent marketing team.😂 Fear becomes control. Rejection becomes people-pleasing. Shame becomes perfectionism. Pain becomes anger. And suddenly, we're reacting to today's situations with emotional software installed years ago. 🙄 The problem? The people standing in front of us didn't necessarily create the wounds we're asking them to pay for. Painful experiences shape our nervous system and influence our reactions. Healing starts when we stop asking only, "Why are people triggering me?" and get curious about, "What is this reaction trying to protect me from?" That's where the real work begins. Not blaming our parents forever. Not turning every ex into a psychological case study. Not collecting healing vocabulary like Pokémon cards while repeating the same patterns. Actually doing the work: Learning to pause. Understanding our triggers. Feeling what we've spent years avoiding. Setting boundaries. Asking for help when we need it. Taking responsibility for the way we treat ourselves and others. And remembering that understanding someone's wounds doesn't mean we have to volunteer as their emotional punching bag. Our past deserves compassion. Our present deserves attention. And our future deserves more than a recycled version of our pain. So, open the emotional cupboard. Check what's been stored there. Some things need healing, some need releasing, and some expired approximately three relationships ago. 😂 Heal the wound. Keep the wisdom. Stop throwing the glass. ❤️‍🩹

Hi everybody I have been doing Aaron's innner-child meditation for 3 weeks. During the first meditations, i could connect to some specific memories and talk to my inner child and soothe her. But these last days, i could not see any particular event, my inner child was so disregulated. I decided to be patient with her and stick to the work. During today's meditation, i could not connect to any particular memory but she told me how sad she was and how guilty she felt for being sad despite having food, shelter, (a home and a garden), parents and siblings. It was very intense and liberating. Sometimes, we may think we are not doing the meditation properly and we are doing a good job! Thanks Aaron for your high quality meditations