Feeling Bad for Feeling Happy ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ˜ถ๐Ÿ˜’
For many of us with trauma histories, happiness isnโ€™t simple.
Moments of joy can be quickly followed by guilt, fear, or a strange sense of unease โ€” as if feeling good is somehow unsafe or undeserved.
This often isnโ€™t about self-sabotage. Itโ€™s about what our nervous systems learned.
If you grew up in environments where:
good moments were short-lived
happiness was followed by punishment, loss, or withdrawal
staying alert mattered more than feeling relaxed
your joy was minimised, envied, or taken away
โ€ฆthen happiness can register as a threat, not a reward.
Some common trauma responses:
Feeling guilty for being happy when others are suffering
Waiting for โ€œsomething badโ€ to happen after a good moment
Dimming your joy so you donโ€™t stand out
Feeling disloyal to past pain, lost loved ones, or former versions of yourself
None of this means weโ€™re ungrateful or broken.
It means our systems learned that safety mattered more than pleasure.
Healing doesnโ€™t mean forcing ourselves to be happy.
It means slowly teaching our body that joy doesnโ€™t equal danger.
Sometimes the work is simply this:
noticing a good moment
letting it stay for a few seconds longer
reminding ourselves we donโ€™t have to earn joy or justify it
We are allowed to feel happy and honour our pain.
Both can exist at the same time.
๐Ÿ’ฌ If this resonates, we would love to welcome you into our very supportive community: Virtual Trauma Therapy
With love,
Chris โค๏ธ
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Christopher Whitehead-Baines
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Feeling Bad for Feeling Happy ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ˜ถ๐Ÿ˜’
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