Yes, I know this has become a depressingly predictable report and seems to happen every quarter, but we are receiving reports of yet another breakout of eggsitis disease in the seventh quadrile. This latest outbreak of the ailment is believed to have stemmed from someone smelling an egg that had not been wrapped in a thick waxy coating in the correct manner. For any resident who has spent the last 5 years asleep, or is perhaps new to the Castle, the two most documented symptoms of eggsitis are: 1) Walking bent over, like a wizened old person - sometimes using a large stick-like object for support. 2) Repeatedly groaning, "Oooooh the eggs". Early reports suggest this may be a slightly different strain, however, so please report do any symptoms you spy in sufferers. As most people know by now, the disease is spread primarily by two people each holding a Monopoly token between finger and thumb, then rubbing them together.

There have been sightings of marauding gangs of pudding vikings attacking at random from the moat. We have had reports from the below locations and what they have taken: - The Cakery - Stole all the sticky toffee pudding - The Ice Creamery - Robbed all their raspberry ripple - The Wafflery - Nicked all the maple syrup We can't know when or where they will strike next, so everyone needs to be vigilant and ready for battle at any moment. We will be issuing weaponry from the armoury, though we have already run out of swords. Luckily here are plenty of cricket bats left due to no one wanting to play. Please be on guard, and be sure to report any further viking raids. Our puddings are in peril!

An emotionally difficult ladder has been left unattended near this location. Residents are advised not to make prolonged eye contact with it unless properly certified. Several residents report feeling “quietly judged” after passing nearby. If you encounter the ladder, please document below: 🚨 its apparent mood 🚨 any sounds emitted 🚨 whether it appears taller or shorter than previously recorded

Thursday has been postponed by seven days, due to shrieking plants. Please confirm any Castle event you planned that will be affected.