As we prepare for the annual celebrations commemorating victory in the "War of the Wandering Goose", an ancient battle fought against the "Castle of Finite Possibility" over who owned a goose seen wandering equidistant between both castles, the administration is issuing an appeal to all residents: 🏰OFFICIAL NOTICE🏰 Due to a catastrophic clerical error in the stores department, we find ourselves bereft of fireworks for the impending festivities. To ensure the event remains visually stunning, the administration has taken the following steps: 1. Declared that all health and safety protocols are suspended until winters moon. 2. Sanctioned a new bylaw, allowing the word "persons" to be substituted in place of the word "pyrotechnics" in all official documents. With this in mind, anyone willing to smother themselves in lamp oil and make themselves available for being set alight and launched over Goose Hill by means of the ceremonial trebuchet, will receive a day off in lieu and a consignment of vouchers for the castle Gift Shop. The administration feels that this will be ample remuneration for doing your civic duty. Whilst we appreciate your cooperation in this matter, we would remind all residents that, by the terms of their contract, they are subject to pernicious combustion at any time. We thank you. 🔥 🪿 🖕

While wandering haphazardly through the lower east corridor, I discovered a door. It had previously been hidden behind a stack of treasure chests which had very recently been knocked to the floor and their contents strewn about. They appear to all have contained DVDs starring Patrick Swayze. So after kicking a few Roadhouses aside, climbing piles of Ghosts and slipping on the treacherous footing provided by Dirty Dancing, I made it to the door. It was blocked by some Point Breaks and a To Wong Foo, but I managed to shift these and pull open the entrance. Inside was a stone circular room, small in diameter but tall as a silo with a high ceiling and a central pillar towering above. Shelves lined the walls fully, from top to bottom, and a trio of large bookshelves stood in the middle around the pillar. All surface space was taken up by various and varying objects, like a huge tombola of mystery. I found a doll with its eyes replaced by glittering amethysts and an extra one added to its forehead, and also a novelty pen (it features a picture of a regular goblin, but when you tip the pen upside down it becomes naked!!) I have left the room open and cleared a path through the Patrick Swayze classics so that anyone may enter and see what they may find.

I regret to inform residents the word 's-a-u-s-a-g-e' has been misplaced, somewhere within the Castle. Residents will, naturally, be unable to speak or write the word until it has been recovered. For those asking, I was only able to depict the word above by using the 'hyphens' workaround. Can any residents please remind me of the other words that remain lost within the castle's numerous crevices? 🤔 P.S. Auntie Gooch's famous sossidge (aha, another workaround) sandwich will still be available in the cafe parlour tomorrow (saturday)... but residents will have to get creative when it comes to ordering same.

The latest set of hatchlings have broken out of the gargoyle turret-top nursery. "The Unweathered", as they are sometimes referred, are currently reeking havoc in the upper quarters of the castle and being pursued by increasingly agitated nursery staff. Mistress Chisel-Hand (head nanny) is appealing for anyone who knows the whereabouts of the nursery cupboard key, where the baby catching implements are stored, to please get in touch with a member of staff immediately. "We don't stand a chance of catching the little blighters without our stone magnets, echo-lure tuning forks and bowls of enchanted rainwater" she said. This season's batch were particularly strong and mischievous it is reported. If one confronts you, they can sometimes be subdued and discouraged from crushing your head by saying their name in a gravelly tone whilst rubbing two pebbles together. Unfortunately, they are almost impossible to tell apart, so the advice is to cycle through the list of names until you spot some change in demeanor. This season's little ones are.... Sir Flapjack the Heavy Mumblecrust Hover-Belly Snort Gargle the Puddle-Drinker Glump the Spatula Crumble-Horn Squint Good luck.

Due to the hot weather, ice lollies are being issued at every doorway and acceptance is mandatory. If you do not receive a lolly at any doorway, please report the doorway and ice lolly attendant immediately. Flavours currently available are below, please put in a request if you require additional flavours - Strawberry - Green Raspberry - Beef Wellington - Stainless Steel - Original (Plain ice) - Double Strawberry - New: Unbridled Hatred