There's a concept called a 𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐠i which is a personal challenge so meaningful and difficult that there is a real possibility of failure (like 50% likelihood of failure even if you do everything 'right'). The goal of this isn't necessarily achievement, but the transformation that happens along the way. While the challenge itself may be physical in nature, the real test ends up being mental, emotional and spiritual. It basically has two rules: 1. 1.Make the task extremely challenging (with a 50/50 chance of failure/success) 2. 2. Do not die We live in a society where 'rites of passage' have been pushed aside. Helicopter parenting and now snowplow parenting have taken a front seat and both of these have had an interesting impact on our ability to handle tough situations. Tough situations that arise as part of living in a world where things aren't perfect. This is not to shame individuals that engage in these type of behaviors. These behaviors often come from a place of good intentions but also, often, from a place of fear. It seems that research (and seeing others' lived experience) shows that the 'right amount of challenge' is really needed for optimal growth. For us to feel capable, equipped, a sense of (healthy) pride and adequacy. A sense of "I can do it (or at least try), even if it's challenging...even if I will fail". From a psychological perspective, a Misogi works because it challenges some of our most common patterns: 1. 1. 𝐀𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞: We naturally try to avoid discomfort, uncertainty, and situations where we might feel inadequate. The problem is that avoiding discomfort can also mean avoiding growth. A Misogi asks: "What would I attempt if I wasn't organizing my life around avoiding failure?" 1. 2.𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲: Many of us protect the identity we have created: "I'm not athletic," "I'm not creative," "I'm not a leader," "I'm not someone who does hard things." A meaningful challenge gives us the opportunity to rewrite the narrative that we've clung to.

Inspiration for this post: Been reading "𝐎𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐌𝐞𝐧: 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧 101 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐏𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝" and also having discussions around how seemingly 'good' people make some really harmful (at times deadly) decisions. I think that one of the assumptions that we make is that "good moral people" always make good morally sound decisions. I often say to myself "Never say never" because given the 'right' (or wrong) lethal combination of factors, even the best people can be taken down... Our behavior is shaped by far more than our values alone. And....if we're not attentive to our inner workings, we are more inclined to get into situations that are not aligned with our values. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞/𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲: -Stress and emotional overload can shrink our ability to think long-term (we can get tunnel vision and see less options/solutions) -Unmet needs (belonging, validation, safety, control, purpose, fulfillment) can push us toward unhealthy coping strategies; I can't emphasize this point enough! -Cognitive dissonance leads us to justify behaviors that don't fit our self-image ("I had no choice," "They deserved it," "This is different." "Everyone else is doing it" "No one is really being harmed for real" "what they don't know won't hurt them" "Other people are doing something that is worse") -Habits and conditioning often run on autopilot long before conscious thought catches up (this is why introspection and intentionality matter) -Group influence (and authority) can normalize behaviors we'd never consider alone -Fear, shame, or trauma can trigger protective responses that make sense psychologically, even when they're harmful. There are many things at play that influence our decision making. I think it's important to be aware and to navigate from that place. Character isn't just revealed by our mistakes but it's also revealed by how we respond to those mistakes.

I opened up a notebook this morning and saw this list...I must have written it years ago and I'm guessing it's a summary of Brene Brown's points in The Gifts of Imperfection. I may have made a post about this in the past as well, I'm not sure. Here's the list: 1. 1. Let go of what people think and practice being authentic 2. 2.Let go of perfectionism and show yourself some compassion. 3. 3.Let go of self-numbing and show yourself some compassion. 4. 4.Practice gratitude-let go of 'have nots' and focus on "haves"--but don't let this lead to complacency 5. 5.Let go of your need for certainty and trust faith and intuition 6. 6. Let go of comparisons and practice creativity 7. 7. Practice engaging in play and rest- let go of productivity as self worth 8. 8. Practice calm and stillness-in a world full of chaos, we don't need to buy into it. 9. 9.Don't squander your gifts--be meaningful in work. Drop the doubts, the 'have tos', the 'oughts', the 'supposed to's', the 'shoulds'. 10. 10. Engage in laughter through silliness. Let go of being in control. I had little comments by each of these. I remember reading her work about 8 years ago and feeling like it was truly transformative. It was something that I needed at that time and I was ready to receive it. Opening up that notebook and landing on this is a good reminder. :) (I know that I've shared one of these videos before). POLL: Which aspect of wholehearted living challenges you the most right now? Which of these do you feel like you'd benefit from focusing on?

Self-care, self-love, self-reflection....self, self, self. These all seem to be great things, but is there a dark side to this? Have we become so obsessed with ourselves that we're actually doing more harm than good? The opposite, self-abandonment and self-neglect, are not great either. Is there a line that we can walk better? Can we have a better relationship with our selves? 𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐀 Philautia (φιλαυτία) comes from Ancient Greek: philos = love, affection autos = self - Meaning: self-love or love of oneself. In some contexts this was seen as a virtue while in others it's seen as a vice. So, I suppose context and further definition matters. 𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 Healthy self-regard is beneficial for wellbeing....I'd argue that humility is being able to be grounded in truth. It's not about downing oneself, but rather about being abile to see something for what it is--we'd be able to see our strong points and also our weak points. But with our ability to see our weaknessess and mistakes, we would also need to pair that up with self-compassion This leads to more resilience, more accountability, and increased ability to learn from our mistakes. In this sense, self-love isn't arrogance but it's rather the foundation of growth. 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐀𝐁𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 Many philosophical and religious traditions offer a caution though-- when the self becomes the primary object of our attention, something begins to distort. Psychology also echose this in some way--we know that excessive self-focus is linked to heightened sensitivity to perceived threats/criticism, rumination, anxiety and depression. If the mind becomes trapped into the loop of "how do I feel", "What does this mean about me?", and "how am I being perceived" and this has detrimental effects---the more we obsess about ourselves, the less fulfilled we become. Our relationship with others AND our relationship wtih ourselves suffers. It becomes pigeon holed and doesn't take our whole being into account. If you've gotten to this point, here's what I read that inspired this whole post:

Often times, people who engage in perfectionistic type thinking and behaviors indicate that they have high standards, are aiming for excellence, and indicate that they are committed to growth. These seem like great things and they can be, but the undercurrent of what drives these statements matters. Clinically speaking, perfectionism is often less about excellence and more about fear. Fear related to failure, criticism, disappointing others, of not being enough... Perfectionism is often an attempt to manage uncertainty and protect ourselves from painful emotions. The problem is that the strategies we use to avoid those feelings can end up creating more stress, anxiety, and disconnection. Below are some common perfectionistic behaviors: 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 Perfectionists often work harder than necessary to prevent mistakes or criticism. The underlying belief is often: "If I work hard enough, I can eliminate the possibility of failure." Unfortunately, no amount of effort can guarantee that. 𝐃𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐲 𝐃𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 Many perfectionists struggle to hand tasks over to others in fear that things won't be done "correctly". This can create burnout, resentment, and the feeling that everything depends on them. The hidden cost: carrying responsibilities that were never meant to be carried alone. 𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 "Do you think that was okay?" "Are you sure you're not upset with me?" "Can you check this one more time?" Seeking reassurance can temporarily reduce anxiety, but it often strengthens the belief that confidence must come from outside ourselves. (safety behavior that reduces anxiety in the short term but creates problems in the long term) 𝐄𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐎𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 Planning is super helpful, but perfectionism can turn planning into a way of avoiding uncertainty. Hours are spent creating the perfect schedule, researching every option, or organizing every detail before taking action. This type of planning can become a substitute for living. It can give the impression that progress is being made but no actual action is being taken.