Maybe my story was never about me. Maybe it's about who I lift toward greatness, the kind with a moral compass. Greatness without a moral compass is just power. Like a Samwise to a fellowship of Frodos. Samwise walked beside Frodo, the ring bearer. But he carried the ring once too, and gave it back. Not the lesser story. He took it further. Everyone wants to be Frodo. But every Frodo needs a Samwise. Sometimes a fellowship of them. Who are you lifting, and to what end?

One of the ideas in The Comfort Crisis (book) that really stuck with me is the distinction between biological hunger and reward-driven eating. It's not like I wasn't aware, it's just that it pointed to something that I often do...snack. Snack because something sounds good, snack because I'm having a hard time deciding what to do, snack because I'm stressed, snack because it's available, snack because I'm accustumed to snacking... snack. snack. snack. And my snacks? They're full on meals..ha. But how often do I actually neeeeeed to snack? Probably almost never because my body is barely ever actually hungry...And this? This isn't a good thing. Here's the difference: 𝗕𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗵𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 This is our body saying: "I NEED energy.” It tends to build gradually and isn't necessarily picky. We're more likely to notice physical cues like an empty feeling in your stomach, low energy, or difficulty concentrating. If we're genuinely hungry, a fairly ordinary meal can sound pretty good. No fancy flavors or textures needed. 𝗥𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱-𝗱𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 This is more like: “I WANT that”. We might be completely physically satisfied but suddenly have an intense desire for cookies, chips, donuts, ice cream, or whatever our particular weakness happens to be. It can be triggered by: stress, boredom, habit, seeing or smelling food, emotions, fatigue, social situations, or simply knowing that something is available. Oh....availability...My nemesis. Unlike people in the past, modern life gives us almost unlimited access to food rewards. Availability. So, we end up responding to food cues/rewards instead of actual energy needs. And this has a negative impact on us. It gives us a dopamine boost, but it wreaks havoc on our bodies. So, what can we do about it? First, be aware!! Awareness allows for us to be intentional with our decision making: 𝗣𝗔𝗨𝗦𝗘 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘂𝗿𝗴𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. Ask “What kind of hungry am I?” pause... When the desire to eat comes, ask: 1. Would I eat something relatively ordinary right now?

There's a concept called a 𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐠i which is a personal challenge so meaningful and difficult that there is a real possibility of failure (like 50% likelihood of failure even if you do everything 'right'). The goal of this isn't necessarily achievement, but the transformation that happens along the way. While the challenge itself may be physical in nature, the real test ends up being mental, emotional and spiritual. It basically has two rules: 1. 1.Make the task extremely challenging (with a 50/50 chance of failure/success) 2. 2. Do not die We live in a society where 'rites of passage' have been pushed aside. Helicopter parenting and now snowplow parenting have taken a front seat and both of these have had an interesting impact on our ability to handle tough situations. Tough situations that arise as part of living in a world where things aren't perfect. This is not to shame individuals that engage in these type of behaviors. These behaviors often come from a place of good intentions but also, often, from a place of fear. It seems that research (and seeing others' lived experience) shows that the 'right amount of challenge' is really needed for optimal growth. For us to feel capable, equipped, a sense of (healthy) pride and adequacy. A sense of "I can do it (or at least try), even if it's challenging...even if I will fail". From a psychological perspective, a Misogi works because it challenges some of our most common patterns: 1. 1. 𝐀𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞: We naturally try to avoid discomfort, uncertainty, and situations where we might feel inadequate. The problem is that avoiding discomfort can also mean avoiding growth. A Misogi asks: "What would I attempt if I wasn't organizing my life around avoiding failure?" 1. 2.𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲: Many of us protect the identity we have created: "I'm not athletic," "I'm not creative," "I'm not a leader," "I'm not someone who does hard things." A meaningful challenge gives us the opportunity to rewrite the narrative that we've clung to.

Inspiration for this post: Been reading "𝐎𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐌𝐞𝐧: 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧 101 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐏𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝" and also having discussions around how seemingly 'good' people make some really harmful (at times deadly) decisions. I think that one of the assumptions that we make is that "good moral people" always make good morally sound decisions. I often say to myself "Never say never" because given the 'right' (or wrong) lethal combination of factors, even the best people can be taken down... Our behavior is shaped by far more than our values alone. And....if we're not attentive to our inner workings, we are more inclined to get into situations that are not aligned with our values. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞/𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲: -Stress and emotional overload can shrink our ability to think long-term (we can get tunnel vision and see less options/solutions) -Unmet needs (belonging, validation, safety, control, purpose, fulfillment) can push us toward unhealthy coping strategies; I can't emphasize this point enough! -Cognitive dissonance leads us to justify behaviors that don't fit our self-image ("I had no choice," "They deserved it," "This is different." "Everyone else is doing it" "No one is really being harmed for real" "what they don't know won't hurt them" "Other people are doing something that is worse") -Habits and conditioning often run on autopilot long before conscious thought catches up (this is why introspection and intentionality matter) -Group influence (and authority) can normalize behaviors we'd never consider alone -Fear, shame, or trauma can trigger protective responses that make sense psychologically, even when they're harmful. There are many things at play that influence our decision making. I think it's important to be aware and to navigate from that place. Character isn't just revealed by our mistakes but it's also revealed by how we respond to those mistakes.

I opened up a notebook this morning and saw this list...I must have written it years ago and I'm guessing it's a summary of Brene Brown's points in The Gifts of Imperfection. I may have made a post about this in the past as well, I'm not sure. Here's the list: 1. 1. Let go of what people think and practice being authentic 2. 2.Let go of perfectionism and show yourself some compassion. 3. 3.Let go of self-numbing and show yourself some compassion. 4. 4.Practice gratitude-let go of 'have nots' and focus on "haves"--but don't let this lead to complacency 5. 5.Let go of your need for certainty and trust faith and intuition 6. 6. Let go of comparisons and practice creativity 7. 7. Practice engaging in play and rest- let go of productivity as self worth 8. 8. Practice calm and stillness-in a world full of chaos, we don't need to buy into it. 9. 9.Don't squander your gifts--be meaningful in work. Drop the doubts, the 'have tos', the 'oughts', the 'supposed to's', the 'shoulds'. 10. 10. Engage in laughter through silliness. Let go of being in control. I had little comments by each of these. I remember reading her work about 8 years ago and feeling like it was truly transformative. It was something that I needed at that time and I was ready to receive it. Opening up that notebook and landing on this is a good reminder. :) (I know that I've shared one of these videos before). POLL: Which aspect of wholehearted living challenges you the most right now? Which of these do you feel like you'd benefit from focusing on?