I’ve been wishing to have a dream with him so bad. I heard dreams could be visitations, I also heard that your soul detaches from your body when you’re dreaming. Unfortunately, my dream last night wasn’t a good dream! He was struggling and I wanted to help him and held him on my chest and tried to comfort him. I hope he’s at peace. I can’t bear the fact that he’s still suffering! He ended his life and I hope he’s in a good place. He was such a wonderful child! He taught me how to be a mom and he’s now teaching me how to love without his physical presence. I pray one day I get to see him again! 💗🙏🏻

Next Friday, April 3rd will be my birthday and also Easter weekend and I’m anticipating a little bit of grief around the holidays of course but I decided to celebrate my birthday this weekend and put all the kids & Easter first next weekend.. normally my kids would go to their daddy for his families’s big Easter thing, but now I host the big Easter hunt & brunch and I’m nervous about it. I will be hosting 25 people... sending thoughts and prayers and good vibes to everyone who’s kind of dreading Easter.. also don’t forget to celebrate yourself. You made it through a lot.🫶🏼💞 even if it was just making it through the day .. love and light to you all

What with being 50% Happy & 50% Sad at BEST, even during the BEST of times, I am going to quietly set down my suitcase 🧳 filled with the 50% Sadness and leave it right here in this safe space…..just for today, if I may….to take refuge from it’s wrath, for just one day, this day, March 31st. Today is special, and my intention is to go forth, like that of half-pair of scissors, with my remaining suitcase 🧳 filled with a pure & untainted 50% Happiness because my daughter, Moon 🌙 was born on this day, 19 years ago! And at this very time!!! OMG she was born at 1:32am and that’s right now!! 😮 Wow, I guess that’s how I know I’m supposed to share this with you guys. Ha! She’s turning 19, has her learner’s permit and hopes to have her full-on driver’s license in time to drive us both to the retreat in CT. 🤞 She has taken her time with getting her license, and for good reason: She had emergency heart surgery in Oct. ‘24, then her mother died of a heart attack the very next month in November, then right before Christmas her girlfriend (first love, big deal) went from kind to cruel and broke up with her (worst possible timing). Anybody else love the holidays? With being adopted at birth and homeschooled still to this day (taking her first college class at Valencia College in the Fall), Moon🌙 has become, and continues to become a beautiful & unique soul. She bought a new car today, and the whole dealership loved her, I mean they loved her! Here’s a photo with her salesperson before we left, giving her flowers & much needed hugs. Today, for her birthday, she has requested 3 things: #1. To go to breakfast at First Watch brunch restaurant, #2. To go to a piercing studio for an additional ear piercing and a belly button piercing (she’s already made herself an appointment for 3:00pm) 😳, #3. Lastly, she wants to go to Hooter’s before all of their locations close!!! (they are going out of business and she said this is her last opportunity to ever know what Hooter’s was like), so I said “OK”! 👍😆 I promise, I will be back to pick up my other suitcase 🧳. Thank you for literally letting me park my sadness here, just for a while, and I hope you can share in my happiness, joy and sheer delight in celebration of 19 years basking in the warm glow of 🌙.

Today is the one year anniversary of my husband Curt’s death. Over the last few days I’ve gotten a lot of “you seem to be handling this well” my response varies. Sometimes I say looks can be deceiving, or yeah, I should win an Oscar for this performance or when I’m in a really bad mood I say ah ya my specialty appearing ok. As I’m struggling thru the day. Especially today what got you thru and what do you say to people who tell you that you seem to be handling it well.

Piggy backing off of @Toni Filipone post Art is my journal. It says the things my brain can’t articulate…… the story that created this piece Grief in the undertow When people talk about grief, they often describe it as a wave. Most imagine a single, massive form, but in reality, a wave is made up of countless tiny, complex water molecules coming together to create something immense. Grief is much the same: it’s made up of all the small, intricate experiences and emotions that, together, form the vastness of our sorrow. Like water, grief can be overwhelming. A tidal wave can sweep through and destroy everything in its path, leaving only devastation behind. Grief, too, can wreak havoc on every part of life it touches. And yet, just as the waters recede, there is always the possibility to rebuild, to create something new from what was lost.