April 15 is stressful now. Running to pick up completed taxes, paying the IRS. And my debit card gets hacked last night! Trying to work and do all the things that my husband took care of is overwhelming at times. I don’t always feel like I have enough time to do the necessary grief work. Not enuf time and too much all at the same time. Time is strange.

3 years ago today God took mom home. When I look at this photo I see more love than pain.Thank you for teaching me that T!

My heart is so full right now. My son is going to prom with his girlfriend, and I’m so proud of the young man he’s becoming. But if I’m being honest… there’s a part of me that’s hurting too. Because I can’t pick up the phone and call his daddy. All I can do is show up, love him the best I know how, and take him to the cemetery dressed in his suit so his daddy can see him too… and that part of this just breaks me. This is real life. There’s no first aid kit for moments like this. first prom, first girlfriend, first date… all of it at once. It’s gonna be an emotional week, but I’ll get through it Sending love and light to everyone who’s going through some first themselves🥺💞

Last night I broke. I broke down and cried because the smell of the bbq chicken my partner made reminding me of the smell of the chicken we had that my dad use to make us when we were kids. With in the last few weeks of loosing now my brother and feeling so alone. I don’t want my kids, my mom, my brother anyone to see me cry about the grief I am feeling, I couldn’t help myself last night but I cried and I cried hard! 💔

Three months today. Haven’t been doing very well for the past few days. This time next week we will be spreading her ashes. I told my sister-in-law (Kim’s sister) that I was stuck on the grief side of TikTok. She told me maybe I should get off of grief TikTok (in a loving way). I don’t know how to tell her that it helps to know I’m not alone in this. This club that none of us want to belong to.