A lot of confusion comes from lumping all avoidants together. They’re not the same - and knowing which one you dealt with can bring huge clarity. Here’s a simple way to tell the difference 👇 Fearful Avoidant (hot + cold) They want closeness but are terrified of it. You’ll notice: - intense connection at first - vulnerability, emotional talks, “I’ve never felt this before” - pull away after things feel good - come back when they miss you - feel guilty for hurting you - say things like “I don’t know what’s wrong with me” Their nervous system is torn between wanting love and fearing it. This creates the push-pull cycle that leaves you exhausted. Dismissive Avoidant (cool + distant) They’re uncomfortable with dependence and emotional needs. You’ll notice: - slow or surface-level emotional connection - independence is everything - minimizes problems (“it’s not a big deal”) - shuts down during emotional conversations - rarely takes accountability - pulls away and stays gone - seems fine without you Their nervous system stays in self-protection mode, not longing. Why this matters for YOU Fearful avoidants can feel incredibly loving - which makes the loss confusing. Dismissive avoidants can make you feel unseen - which makes you question yourself. Neither is healed. Neither can meet you fully. But understanding the difference helps you stop blaming yourself. Gentle reminder 🤍 You didn’t imagine the connection. You didn’t “ask for too much.” You were responding to someone with limited emotional capacity. If you’re unsure which one you dealt with, drop a comment and we can gently decode it together. You’re not alone here.

Hello! 👋 My name is Sydney, I am a 27 year old single mom to a 6 year old daughter. I started my healing journey in 2021 after my daughter’s narcissistic father and I ended it (badly). I have overcame a lot, grown and became stronger than I ever have been. I removed 99% of my family and friends due to protecting my peace, happiness, and overall growth. Fast forward to now; I am currently into one month since the breakup of my most recent avoidant ex of 5.5 months. I spent so much time investing into our relationship that I truly began to spiral. I am a small business owner; I currently clean for residential properties. The goal is to hit commercial properties in the future. So as someone that cleans for a living… I expect cleanliness in my home and relationships. This relationship was draining. I cleaned every room on the first floor of his house thinking that maybe he’d follow my lead in running a household; especially with my daughter being included. I even took the time to help clean his chaotic garage. I also mowed his whole yard more than once without asking. That’s just the kind of woman I am… I love to help others and make an impact. And with everything that I did…. From organizing, washing, drying, folding, putting the laundry away and even more; I became the mother, therapist, and maid. The All-In-One Combo; I’d call myself. I could barely get him to open up. From arguing, to blocking me from leaving the room, disrespectful comments, the shut downs, the grown man tantrums (crying and anger) came out each time I tried to leave the relationship. I felt sorry for hurting him with me ending it each time; coming back every single time. I know my worth. I know what I deserve but I still have sympathy and empathy because I know what it’s like to hurt on the inside. I thought that if he experienced my kind of light that maybe it would spark something in him but it honestly drained the life out of me. From stress eating to losing chunks of hair, hormonal acne to crying continuously and even having horrible sleep patterns. I felt so alone even when we were together or while he was passed out next to me in bed.

Being a very observant person can teach you how to see through other people’s masks. It’s called intuition and discernment. 🥴🤣 It’s called reading between the lines and watching people’s behavior. You begin to understand that people can pretend all they want but underneath the mask they created; there’s a deeper truth behind it. Have a wonderful Thursday and remember that authenticity is 🔑!

I still need to type out a post about what transpired on Tuesday night but that will have to wait due to the fact that I got hit hard with my MRI results… so I got a call pertaining to my results at 3:24 yesterday. I have officially been diagnosed with multilevel degenerative disease at 27 years old. It’s not very common for someone at my age to have this condition. It’s mild but it will change everything for me… And it’s truly overwhelming. So I instantly called my avoidant ex. We spent months together so he was fully aware that there was something wrong with my neck and spine. We both knew something wasn’t right; I’m in pain every day. No matter what. So he was the first person I thought of telling the news. I needed comfort. I felt alone and just overwhelmed with emotions. Finding out that I was right. Finding out that I wasn’t crazy and could feel my body just screaming on the inside. That my intuition was right… so I asked him to come over. Mind you; he told me he contemplated and thought hard about calling me back, and even coming over, but he still did. And honestly, our night wasn’t horrible. We actually spent quality time together and had fun which isn’t normally the case. We usually ran errands together or went out to eat but never did something together; we played Mario kart and watched a show… But it was due to the fact that I was emotional over my results. Our relationship is just in limbo and done for the time being. He wants space and to be alone and so I have to respect that. But deep down Ik he cares; that he is scared, numb, and hurt from everything that has happened between us and even in his past. So I have to respect that. I just know deep down he knows what he had in front of him. He knows that I was loyal, honest, loving, truthful, cared, respected and loved him unconditionally but until he finds himself and heals; there’s nothing more I can say or do to help him. Even though I’m hurting in all aspects; like absolutely no joke about it…. I’ve done everything I can to show him who truly and genuinely cared about him. And I won’t be waiting either, which he fully knows that. I’m just so hurt, so sad, so lost in all of the news/what has transpired and I don’t know how to feel about it.